745 ft.

My current elevation right now.
Yup, I'm back in the lovely state of Ga for a while. Sitting on my old bed, in my new room. Kayleen has moved into my old bedroom, so my wonderful mother fixed her old bedroom all up for me. It's quite lovely, if I must admit.
Right now I am back here for the holiday season. At least until New Years. Christmas is going to be different, but fun this year and I'm really looking forward to it! Steph and Lindsey will be flying from Denver to Lindsey's parents house for Christmas, and then they'll come up to mom and dad's house for like 3 days after Christmas. Since everyone is going to be apart for C-mas, we decided to have the three of us girls, Andrew, and Emily all just get presents for each other. This will be the first Christmas in 2 or 3 years that we've actually had Christmas on Christmas, and the first in many, many years that we won't be drawing names. I'm excited because that means I get to buy presents for a whole bunch of poeple! hehe. :)

Things are changing for me, finally. It's not because I moved, or because I came back, or whatever. It's because I'm finally letting myself be me, and I'm finally letting God be my best friend, father, and protector. Things are beginning to make sense to me, where they never did before. My life long dream is really starting to take shape in my mind, and I feel like it's being daily painted there by my God. I am discovering things that I need, things that I don't, and millions of things in between. I am so thankful to my parents for being so supportive of me... especially my mom. They listen to me and they understand where I'm coming from. I think that is one of the most valuable things in my life.

As of right now, I am not attending church or anything. I have come to realize that being in church - and constantly trying to be the 'model Christian' - was killing my faith. I wasn't there because I wanted to be, I was there because I thought God would hate me if I wasn't. But when I moved to Denver it gave me a chance to take several steps back and survey my life and my faith. What I saw wasn't pretty.... I was basing my 'faith', or lack there of, on works and trying to always please God. I thought that if I wasn't in church, sunday school youth group, choir, teaching kids, etc. then He wouldn't notice me, let alone love me. Moving to Denver gave me the freedom to decide to not go to church, because I didn't have people pressuring me or influencing my thoughts. I was able to step away from the entire religion and take a much needed breather. But when I was out on my own breathing, I realized that I wanted God. I wanted Him as a friend. And I can now view Him as that, not as someone I am constantly afraid of displeasing. I have decided to still stay out of church for a while though, because I'm not strong enough in Him yet to have others thoughts and opinions pressuring me. Some may think it a 'unchristian-like' act, but I know that it is the best for me and for my relationship with my Jesus right now. And that relationship is the only one I'm worrying about right now.

I have also come to realize that I am ok with the fact that other people are going to think bad of me, or look down on me. I'm ok with it because I know God is the ultimate authority when it comes to my self-worth. Yeah, it bothers me or hurts my feelings or whatever, but I am learning to just honestly shrug and move on.

Finally realizing things about one's self is an amazing thing. The growth that comes from it is both exhausting and wonderful. I am very thankful that although I am no where near to learning everything about myself, God already has every inch of me figured out.
I don't know about you, but that is the most beautiful and reassuring thing I can think of. :)

Safe

You keep tryin to get inside my head,
While I keep trying to lose the words you said
Can't you see i'm hangin by a thread,
To my life what I know, yeah i'm losing control and
Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, its more than I can take
I'm so tired of turning and running away
When love ju--st isn't safe
(your not safe, mmm-mm)

I'm strong enough, i've always told myself
I never want to need somebody else
But i've already fallen from that hill,
So i'm droppin that guard here's your chance at my heart and

Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, its more than I can take
I'm so tired of turning and running away
When love ju-st isn't
Britt Nicole Safe lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/britt-nicole-safe-lyrics.html


Everything you want, but its everything you need
Its not always happy endings but its hap-py in betweeen
Its taken so long, so long to finally see
The other isn't worth the risk

Oh no, my walls are gonna breeeaakk
Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, its more than I can take
So tired of turning and running away
When love ju-st isn't safe

Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, its more than I can take
So tired of turning and running away
When love just isn't safe

Your not safe
And that's okay

~~ Safe, by Britt Nicole

ramblings

'No elf shall be employed in anything other then singing, dancing, or tom-foolery'

haha. Gotta love Ella Enchanted :)

I really don't have anything to say, but I do feel the need to update my blog. I'm going through some hard stuff right now, and some very hard decisions. Well, the decisions themselves aren't necessarily hard, but the choosing which path to take sure is!

There is a calling for snow tomorrow... and possibly several inches by Thursday! That's exciting to me :) Maybe I'll get to wear my new coat soon!
Anyways, I think that's about all I got.
Oh, I did get some really cute boots the other day :)

What if

What if everything didn't happen for a reason?
What if there was no God watching our every move from above?
What if our conscience didn't say anything when we screwed up?
What if we had to live life feeling hopeless, with no hope of finding forgiveness and redemption?
What if up meant down? Or right meant left?
What if being poor didn't mean you were scum?
What if the average rich person actually cared?
What if people didn't turn a deaf and bitter ear when someone tried to share Christ with them?
What if Ghandi wouldn't have said "I love your Christ, but not your Christians"?
What if Hitler hadn't been born? Or, what if something hadn't happened to make him so hateful?
What if I hadn't been born into a family who followed the gospel?
What if I had never realized that God is a friend, not an enemy?
What if God hadn't offered His only son as a sacrifice for the entire world?

Life has so many 'if's. It's hard to think about things as if they might have been different. I for one am glad that Christ saved humanity. Life would be so, empty if there was no hope. I know I have not always had this outlook on faith, but I sure thankful that I even have the chance to find a savior.

I heard a song on the radio this morning after I dropped Lindsey off at work @ 5:45. It's by the band Everlast and it's called What It's Like. I've never heard of the band, nor have I ever heard the song... but I'm thankful I just happened to turn on the radio as it came on. The song is designed to make people think, and it definitely achieved that with me. I encourage you to give it a listen.

My laptop is about to die, and I've got a dog curled up in my lap which makes me very reluctant to get up and go fetch my power cord... so I'll wrap this up for now.
Think today about where God has placed you in the world. What if He put there for an amazingly special purpose that only you can fulfill? I'd like to think that's the case for each and every person on earth... it's just a matter of whether or not we realize it before it's too late.