745 ft.

My current elevation right now.
Yup, I'm back in the lovely state of Ga for a while. Sitting on my old bed, in my new room. Kayleen has moved into my old bedroom, so my wonderful mother fixed her old bedroom all up for me. It's quite lovely, if I must admit.
Right now I am back here for the holiday season. At least until New Years. Christmas is going to be different, but fun this year and I'm really looking forward to it! Steph and Lindsey will be flying from Denver to Lindsey's parents house for Christmas, and then they'll come up to mom and dad's house for like 3 days after Christmas. Since everyone is going to be apart for C-mas, we decided to have the three of us girls, Andrew, and Emily all just get presents for each other. This will be the first Christmas in 2 or 3 years that we've actually had Christmas on Christmas, and the first in many, many years that we won't be drawing names. I'm excited because that means I get to buy presents for a whole bunch of poeple! hehe. :)

Things are changing for me, finally. It's not because I moved, or because I came back, or whatever. It's because I'm finally letting myself be me, and I'm finally letting God be my best friend, father, and protector. Things are beginning to make sense to me, where they never did before. My life long dream is really starting to take shape in my mind, and I feel like it's being daily painted there by my God. I am discovering things that I need, things that I don't, and millions of things in between. I am so thankful to my parents for being so supportive of me... especially my mom. They listen to me and they understand where I'm coming from. I think that is one of the most valuable things in my life.

As of right now, I am not attending church or anything. I have come to realize that being in church - and constantly trying to be the 'model Christian' - was killing my faith. I wasn't there because I wanted to be, I was there because I thought God would hate me if I wasn't. But when I moved to Denver it gave me a chance to take several steps back and survey my life and my faith. What I saw wasn't pretty.... I was basing my 'faith', or lack there of, on works and trying to always please God. I thought that if I wasn't in church, sunday school youth group, choir, teaching kids, etc. then He wouldn't notice me, let alone love me. Moving to Denver gave me the freedom to decide to not go to church, because I didn't have people pressuring me or influencing my thoughts. I was able to step away from the entire religion and take a much needed breather. But when I was out on my own breathing, I realized that I wanted God. I wanted Him as a friend. And I can now view Him as that, not as someone I am constantly afraid of displeasing. I have decided to still stay out of church for a while though, because I'm not strong enough in Him yet to have others thoughts and opinions pressuring me. Some may think it a 'unchristian-like' act, but I know that it is the best for me and for my relationship with my Jesus right now. And that relationship is the only one I'm worrying about right now.

I have also come to realize that I am ok with the fact that other people are going to think bad of me, or look down on me. I'm ok with it because I know God is the ultimate authority when it comes to my self-worth. Yeah, it bothers me or hurts my feelings or whatever, but I am learning to just honestly shrug and move on.

Finally realizing things about one's self is an amazing thing. The growth that comes from it is both exhausting and wonderful. I am very thankful that although I am no where near to learning everything about myself, God already has every inch of me figured out.
I don't know about you, but that is the most beautiful and reassuring thing I can think of. :)