Half Life

my self worth measured in text back tempo,
its been 2 days late minutes to slow.
there may still be others but i like to pretend,
that I'm the one you really want to grow old with...


Oh how I do love that song. Thank you, Imogen, for being such a musical genius.

This morning something happened that made me realize just how much I fear others. Not necessarily their person, but their opinions and thoughts. What are they thinking? Do they think I'm as big a failure as I think myself to be? Do they pity me? I don't want to be pitied.

Maybe it's myself that I fear. I think I definitely push my own thoughts of what I think of myself onto other people. Like, they must think that way about me too.
Yesterday I was uuuber depressed. I woke up and instantly felt a cloud over my head. The frustrating thing is that I can't link it to anything. Nothing happened that I should think would bring about bad memories or something. How does one fix something that happens for no reason? I mean, most people can tell when they're going to get depressed because something triggers it. Mine's just like, randomly, 'HEY! I'm here to ruin your day and make you as miserable as possible. Aren't you glad??!!" Bleh.

I'm reading Francine River's version of the story of Ruth right now. Tis one of the most beautiful stories in the Bible, in my opinion. I want to be like Ruth some day.... loyal, loving, someone with a total servant's heart, and someone who most importantly follows God no matter what He asks of her. That's a lot to live up to, and she was a Moabite!

Today I'm going to look and see if I can find a new dog in the animal shelter down in Calhoun. I'm really excited :) The last animal shelter I went to was really nice, but the people were rude and almost all of the dogs were pit bulls. I mean, they are dogs too, but yuck. ha! We'll see what I find though, because I'm looking for something pretty particular.

Anyway, I guess I'm going to wrap this up. I'm house sitting this week and didn't get much sleep last night so I'm pretty exhausted. Still have to go to the shelter, drive all the way home, work on the fence, feed my charges, and then about a million other things. *sigh* Anyone up for taking my place?? hehe. Just kidding, I love where the Lord has placed me... even if it isn't very glamorous.