Piles and piles

of dishes. that's what I had to deal with this morning. lol. It took me forevvvvvver! I couldn't even find the stupid fauctet at first because the sink was so full of dishes. But, of course, the kitchen now looks fabulous. ;)

My 2nd interview at the hotel is today! Steph and I are going to take the bus down there, and I'm pretty excited! I spent a good hour or so this morning researching the company, ways to ace an interview, etc. I think I'm pretty well prepared!

Yesterday I walked down 7th St. again, with Corin. We walked a long ways this time, and I got really tired. I did take a few pictures though, to share with you guys. :) They aren't fabulous pics or anything; they're just trying to show some of the homes around here.

















It was a great any way, even though I got blisters on the bottom of my feet from my stupid sneakers. I really need some new shoes. lol.
I'll post tonight what I find out about the job!

Tootles.

because

good days rarely last. *sigh* I was having a really good day, until I asked Steph if she could not play a movie tonight and she said 'no'. It just snapped that little piece of me that is, sadly, so easily snapped by certain things. That, on top of being so damn cold and missing my real home, just made for a nasty turn to the evening.

So, it's 11:15 at night and I'm sitting out on the patio swing, trying to get warm. *sigh*

Tomorrow Lindsey and I are going to a job fair at the new Four Seasons hotel that is opening a few minutes from here. I am super excited, because hopefully it's a job I might actually be able to get. I think it would be really neat to work at a hotel; when I was a kid, my little sisters and I used to make 'hotels' in the leaves in our backyard and pretend we ran our own hotel. It would be kinda surreal to actually end up working for one! And if I don't get the job... well, I think you guys might find me in a mental institution. ha....

I applied for several other jobs online this morning, although I don't expect to hear from any of them. I also cleaned the whole apartment and made some cookies. It was good to be alone for a while, and have the apartment to myself.

I think that's what I really need: a place of my own. A place where I make the rules. A place where I rarely turn the AC on. A place where I can only watch tv every once in a while; and sleep in complete darkness. hehe. Someday, Han, someday soon.

Steph and I went for a walk this afternoon down Pennsylvania Street to 7th Street. Then we walked a long ways down 7th, and it was so beautiful! 7th st. is apparently where a lot of the rich, residential homes are, and they are amazing grand. The architecture and the gardens... oooh, it was such a treat to see. I'll definitely be frequenting that street more often. :)

My leg is asleep. Not like a usual asleep though, more of a dead, numb asleep. Ewww, it feels really unpleasent.

I didn't work out today, but I did do my hip exercises, and I think all that walking must count for something.

We watched The Backup Plan tonight. Aside from having some extremely awkward moments, it was rather hilarious. I'm not sure I ever want to have a baby now though. ha... Maybe I'll just adopt... that sounds a lot less painful.

I really need Dakota to snuggle up to tonight, but alas, she is 1500 miles away. I could start walking, I suppose, but I'd definitely die of some reason before I got there. *sigh* I'm just glad she is in such a wonderful home with my loving Meag to be her buddy.

Oh Lord, why do you do this to me??

perfect pepperoni

Today has been an interesting day. I had, last night any way, every intention of going out this morning and exploring the town. However, I did not. I spent the morning in quite a depressed state, and sat at the table playing solitaire until lunch time. How pathetic. But, the day did get a bit better once Steph got home from school and I got to talk to mom on the phone.

I also painted my nails, which they were in dire need of. I think they look quite lovely. A nice metallic blue. :)


Tonight we had pizza. And (I'm going to brag on myself right now...) I cooked it perfectly. It wasn't burned, it wasn't undercooked... it was perfect. MMMMmmmmm, and it was so delicious. Just what I needed to perk my spirits up. That followed by a bag of m&ms and I was totally set to go. haha.

The other day, we went to a wildlife refuge a couple miles from here. I just uploaded the pics onto my laptop and thought I'd share a few of them with you... seeing as I love pictures and all. :) (And seeing as I was too lame to go out and take pics this morning....)







Maybe tomorrow I'll get up the nerve to go out and do some exploring. I was planning on going to apply at a pizza place, but upon further investigation found out that their employees are known for being rude and they play death metal as background music. Ummm, not thanks.

Vitamins taken? Check.
Hip exercises done? Check.
Worked out? Check.

I need to stop watching all these home interior decorating shows... they are making me die for a place of my own. Some day Han, some day...

Goodnight Denver.

The Great Rift

Wow, I just finished watching an amazing tv special about Africa's Great Rift. The video footage, the scenery, and all the spectacular species of wildlife. So incredible! I've heard of the Great Rift, and seen some things about it, but this was by far one of the coolest things I've ever seen. I think seeing Victoria Falls and Mount Kilimanjaro are now on the top of my list of things to do before I die. It was just really cool to see the extreme variety of creatures that God has created, and how He specially adapted each one to live exactly where He placed it. Like, a chameleon that is specially formed to live in really cold temperatures at extreme elevation. How can people think a big bang did all that!!?? I mean, it goes from plains like the Serengeti to Mount Kenya, which is 3 miles high.... from freshwater lakes miles deep, to 145 degree lakes almost as salty as the dead sea. Amazing!






Anyhoo, I'm really glad I got to witness it, and I think it's awesome that people take the time to film things like that for people who can't go there themselves.

I actually had a pretty good day today. *smile* Worked out again, did my hip exercises, and took my vitamins. hehe. I also got to Skype with Traci, and then spur of the moment got to Skype with Val and Kayleen! That definitely made my day. How thankful I am for technology! I would have loved to be back in the civil war days, or Jane Austen's time, but it sure would have been lonelier!

Stephanie starts school tomorrow, so mornings are about to get quieter and lonelier. ha. She's really nervous, but I know she'll do just fine. She's the kind of person everyone wants to get to know. :) I know I sure love knowing her.

I am tired. Tired of being emotionally tired... which is pretty constant when you live here. haha. I can't emphasis enough just how hard it is to be away from my family. I'm a momma's girl, ok? haha. I've grown up in a big family, and frankly I want to stay with my big family. I just want to be where they are. If I could, I would buy a huge plot of land and move my whole family there so we could all live together, but still have our own spaces. Doesn't that just sound wonderful? :)

I've taken inspiration from Steph's blog, and I'm also going to start uploading more pictures with my blogs. I think it helps one feel like they know what's going on if there are visuals. And well, we all know how much I love taking pictures. :) I think tomorrow I'm going to go out walking and find some interesting and beautiful photo opts. I may just sit down in a public place and watch people.... who knows. I'm completely as my leisure these days... which I'm not sure if I like or not. haha.

That does give me an idea though: to start compiling a photo portfolio. To take all this spare time I have and turn it into something productive. Denver is a big place, I just have to go out and explore! (Now granted, it's not as fun or as easy when you are doing it alone, but seeing as I don't have a choice... looks like I'll be getting used to it!) I'm also going to go to the library and get out a piano book, so I can begin teaching myself to replay on the girls' keyboard. I'm kinda excited about that! I figure, I need to do something with all this time and energy I have... and sitting around thinking about how unhappy I am doesn't exactly count.

I'm not gonna lie, I'd rather be back in Chatsworth. I'd rather be back where everything is familiar, where I can go see a friend whenever I want, where I can drive down roads I know will get me to where I want to go. But, life is supposed to be an adventure, right? And seeing as I've gotten myself into this 'adventure' of my own free will, I feel the need to stick it out a little longer. I think the more things I find to do, that will get me out of this apartment, the better it's going to get.

So here's to the start of my adventure. I know it's a little late, seeing as I've been here a month, but it's taken me a while. I watched a movie the other day about a girl who never finished anything, and I don't want to be like that. I want to be like the girl once she got to the end of the movie: completing things she set out to do, and feeling all the more better for it.

Now, if I can just find a job to fund my adventures, and a good man to share them with.
*wink*

cell phone!

what wonderful things they are! :) I talked on the phone for 4 and a half hours today. I finally got to talk to my brother, which was so great! I've really missed him, and it was so good to hear his laugh. I also got to 'enjoy' dinner with my family over speaker phone, which was so refreshing. Then I got to talk to Traci for a long time, and all we did was laugh, which I so sorely needed!! All in all, I am feeling quite positive today thanks to my loving family and friend.

I worked out for a long while this morning, which felt really good. I rode 5 miles on the stationary bike, which is a really big accomplishment! I also walked a mile on the treadmill, and did some leg and arm strengthing stuff. And (my mother would be so happy) I did my hip exercises for the 2nd day in a row. hehe. Now, if only I had started them a year ago like I should have....

Still haven't found a job, which is discouraging. I've also got a lot of stuff to think about. Pros and cons, my dears, pros and cons. So, if you think about it, I could definitely use some prayer.

I miss my doggie! haha. A whole frickin' lot. I miss her silky, soft coat and that ridiculously long tongue. I can't wait to see her again... although she may not want me back, I hear she's loving her Aunt Meag's house!! Sometimes I just have to smile, because she really is my dream dog. *sigh*

Watched the new episode of Pit Boss tonight! I love that show, even though I used to hate it. haha. Ashley wants to be a stand-up comedian, but she's not very good at it. :-p She's adorable though, I'll still love her anyway.

I've got a headache. :/ I want it to go away. Yes, yes I do. I've got clean sheets though which is going to make getting into bed very soothing! So, I'm off for the night.

Goodnight Denver.

weapons

It's a dang good thing I don't have any tonight, because I am feeling extremely lethal.
I don't feel like putting up with anything.
Least of all the terrible headache that is flooding my brain.
I haven't felt this angry in quite some time, and I want to hurt everyone who has ever said a wrong thing to me.

Now, I'm not saying this acceptable behavior... nor will I act upon it.... but I sure would like to.

I was extremely crushed last night when I got the email from the vet's office saying I didn't get the job. I cried, a good bit too.
Oh my gosh, yes, I cried.
I do feel doubly hopeless today and didn't put much effort into anything.
In fact, I only read like 2 chapters in Harry Potter 4 all day, which might be a record for those of you who know how much I read.

This morning I decided to email the lady from the vet and ask her for the reasons on why I wasn't hired. She was very obliging, and sent me an email back with several reasons.
1. I wasn't 'vibrant and outgoing' enough.
2. She said animals can sense fear, and so they wouldn't want someone who was fearful. (*confused look from me*)
3. She said I shouldn't have worn jeans to the working interview.

Now, I hate to be mean, but REALLY???!! Those seem like slightly dumb reasons to me, but whatever.
I am quite used to nothing working out in my life, and this is no exception.

Steph found out that there is a new Four Seasons opening downtown. They are hiring all kinds of positions. So, I guess I'll go down there, turn in my application that has absolutely no reason on it why they should hire me, and wait for them to maybe be considerate enough to at least contact me and say I didn't make the cut. I'm getting pretty good at this....

I don't know what I hate more: Having tons of jobs available, but not enough experience to land any of them... or having no jobs to choose from.
It might be equally sucky.

I am crumbling under the effects of having no where to go and no one to hang out with. I love my sister and I love my Lindsey, but they do get overwhelming. I'm sure I'm very overwhelming to them too... and I do feel a constant burden on whoever is unlucky enough to put up with me.
No wonder I have such a hard time finding and keeping decent friends.

Oh goodness, I'm ranting. I should probably stop, and go to bed or something.
Maybe I'll go grab my Harry Potter book and immerse myself in a world that I would give anything to make real.

I miss my bedroom. I miss my family. I really miss my dog. I miss Meagan. And I miss the days when I was a carefree little girl, playing that I could go to Narnia through a portal in my backyard....

I want a hippogriff.

Seriously. Who's gonna buy me one? haha
I finished rereading Harry Potter 3 this morning, obviously. :)
It's definitely my favorite book, and I could read it over and over.
Steph and I watched the movie this afternoon, but the book totally trumps it.

Got to talk to Laurel today for a while! Very nice, seeing as I haven't talked to her in a week or so. I sure do miss her and Emma!!

Lindsey will be home from work soon, and then we're headed off to a wildlife refuge for the rest of the afternoon. I'm kinda tired, and not too keen on walking a whole lot, but I'm always up for some photography opportunities! Hopefully we'll see lots of wildlife and I'll get lots of cool pics. I haven't had a chance to take any good ones in the past week....

I can't wait to have my own apartment. I have so many decorating ideas. And I'll just revel in all the space I'll have. haha. Buuuuttttttttt, who knows how far off thar might be, so i better tame my dreams a little.

It's very cool today in Coloradoland. Definitely felt like fall this morning! Cool air sends chills of excitement down my spine (and chills 'cause I'm cold!)... fall always brings fun, wonderful memories to my mind. And it makes me want my family!!

OOOOOOOOOOOooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

dog dental care

of which Bo is in dire need. hehe.

Had a lovely chat with my dear Traci last night... it's amazing how quickly 70 minutes flies by when one is having fun. :) would've kept talking half the night had my mouth not been hurting so much.

speaking of half the night... that's how long I was awake last night. I had a large mocha frappe from McDonald's not long before dinner and it kept me awake until the wee hours of the morning. I went to bed around 10:30, but woke up every half hour or so until 2:30 when I was so wide awake that I got up. I went and got some water, talked to Steph (who never sleeps. hehe) and then went back to bed... where I got to lay, wide awake, until after 4. GRRRRRRR, it was suuuuper annoying. Mind you, I won't be having coffee again soon.

Not much on the agenda today, which means I'll probably walk down to the park at some point. It is a lovely day. Lindsey is at work, and then has a meeting with some lady at 2:30.

Tomorrow, I've got my second interview at the vet's office! I sooooo hope this job will work out, it's exactly what I've been looking for! And the people who work there are so nice; and all girls. Oh how nice it would be to work with all girls. :)

I do think I shall go read some more Harry Potter 3. Or, since Steph just turned it on, watch some tv. hehe.

This whole relaxing thing is nice, but I really, really, really need a job. I'm all relaxed out!

capers

are a type of flavoring agent. Steph had it on top of the fish she cooked for dinner this evening, and it was really flippin' good. I doubt I've ever enjoyed fish so much.

I've got a definite job interview tomorrow, for a receptionist position at a vet clinic. I'm really excited about that, and hopefully I'll be able to sell myself well enough to get the job. I shall have to suck up my habitually bad mood and find in myself the happy, fun-loving person that I know I should be. Maybe if I fake it long enough, I'll become it for realz. haha.

Living here with two adults in a one bedroom apartment has really made me want my own place. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Steph and Linds... and maybe if the apartment had 3 rooms it would be ok. But it's really tight here, and tensions can sometimes run very high. I just do life very differently then the two of them. But, I need to learn patience, and Lord knows I need a lot of it here.

I really miss having a cat. I met the sweetest cat at Petsmart the other day, and I really wanted to sneak him home in my jacket. Once I get my own place, the first I'm going to do is go adopt a cat. And looking forward to that is keeping me going.

Today was a much better day then the past 3 have been. I'm definitely suffering from something though, and I'd like to get it figured out. But alas, I don't have the funds to go finding out what's wrong with my mind. ha.

I'm tired of relaxing, and frankly bored as hell this evening. However, I have no friends to go hang out with, not enough money to go do something fun, and there's nothing good on tv. TV has been driving me crazy the past couple of days, I hate watching it but have nothing better to do. Geez, is there anything that doesn't get on my nerves? Wordfind on Steph's itouch. hehe. I could play that all day. :D My current high score is 26 seconds.

Welllllllll, I'm tired of typing to no one, even though blogging is oh so fun... so I think I'm going to look on petfinder and see what my cat options are. I have lots to pick from, I'm sure.

probably...

my roughest day since my arrival here.
I have a depression commercial going through my head....
"Depression hurts, but cymbalta can help."
or whatever the stupid medicine is called.

I feel like singing at the top of my lungs.
or screaming. screaming would work just as well.

I want to go out into the middle of a field and yell at everyone. I wish someone could understand how I'm feeling right now. But, that is impossible, so I shall simply stuff. Like I have so expertly learned to do. Feelings weren't meant to be shared anyway, they just create drama.

On the upside (wow, there actually is one??), I had a lovely time sleeping on the patio swing this afternoon. A little Imogen Heap playing through the head phones and I was perfectly content for about 30 minutes.

What am I turning into? A emotionless blob, who just goes through the motions because she has to? Maybe Steph is right... maybe I do need some help. I just can't imagine going to a doctore and saying 'I'm suffering from depression." That seems so childish to me. Like, I should be perfectly capable of handling that myself, I always have in the past.

But then again, my past hasn't been anything I like remembering. It's been a lot of bad days, and hurts. So I guess I'm just lame for thinking I can handle things on my own; because apparently I can't.

We're going on a picnic tomorrow. *crosses fingers* Oh how I so love being outside in th fresh air. It makes me feel free and refreshed... and lord knows that's what I need right now.

For anyone who might read this and think 'bahaha, she's just as miserable as she was here (meaning chatsworth), the big loser', you are wrong. I am not just as miserable. Yes, I am not doing so great, and life is in a particularly low point right now, but I am a determined individual and I will show you. I will pull my life out of the dumps and make something of it. Even if I myself have to do it all alone with my two bare hands.

'night all.

chili

Chili for dinner tonight. Makes my tummy say 'yummm'. But, sadly my tummy hasn't been saying nice things to me all day. Maybe it will be happier once it has some of this good food.

Thoroughly enjoyed driving to Colorado Springs this morning with Steph. It was wonderful to see her so joyous at the first sight of the newest addition to this household. His name is Bo, and can I just say that he is tiny. Corin seems to like him though; and miraculously, so does Lindsey. I think it's safe to say that that must be a sign.

I, for one, am having a spot of depression this evening. Recent events have made me miss my dog more then anything in the whole world. I'd give almost anything to see her, even if it meant being knocked to the ground and covered with dog slobber. I also really need a friend. Someone to hang out with, someone who I could just chill and have fun with. No pressure, so strings attached, just a good time. But alas, I am in a city with not one soul who knows me.

I have so many desires in my little heart. Sometimes I wonder how many feelings, desires, joys, and hurts can fit into the thing. Tonight it feels as if it's going to burst. It hurts.

Colorado, I love you dearly. Please be kind to me and help me find a friend within your many streets. And a job. But mostly a friend.

left onto Dayton St.

so I totally just wrote a huge long entry, detailing everything I did today. But I hated it. So, quite obviously, I deleted it.

I am going to Bel-Rea, and classes start September 27. Super excited. Like, you've no idea.

Got my dolphin on in the pool tonight. hehe. loved that Steph jumped right in!

Tired as all get out, and wishing my stomach wasn't hurting so bad.

Content.

Turn right at Orion

A book I'm reading right now. I'm only into the 2nd chapter, and it's unlike any book I've ever read, but I do think I shall enjoy it.

A friend suggested to me that I start a blog. A chronicle, if you will, of my daily life. I thought 'Hey, that's a pretty decent idea', since my life has changed so drastically in the past month or so. I will attempt to convey my many thoughts, my greatest desires... and who knows, maybe a glimpse into the deep chasm of my heart.

Life in Denver is very unlike any life I've lived up until this time. I can wake up in the morning, go outside onto the patio and see a city stretching before me. The sound of the cars rushing by, horns honking and music playing, is like music to my ears. I love the ability to walk just about anywhere. "Why yes, I do believe I will walk a few blocks down to the 7 story library."

It is, however, not all glam and glitz. I have a hard time sleeping at night. This apartment is always so friggin' cold. And one of my darling roommates is very often angry at our two sweet dogs. haha. But, when has life ever been all great? Never in my case. I'm learning to be ok with being cold. I'm learning how to keep quiet when I'd like to spout off, and how to avoid conflict where I used to look for it intentionally. Trials, in my opinion, are always there to make one stronger... and I for one and quite thankful for them. Doesn't mean I smile when I'm upset, or thank God for a bad day, but it does seem to make the load lighter.

It is very hard being parted from my two younger sisters though. They have expressed that they are having a very hard time getting along since I've left. Which, to no surprise, greatly saddens me. I suppose this is a just a trial put in their lives to help them learn as well. I just hope they figure that out before it's too late.

Well, it seems to be about time for me to wrap this post up. Not like a Christmas present, which you can only unwrap once... but more like a scroll, which just begs to be reopened. I do believe I shall bless my tummy with a little lunch and then head out into this beautiful city with my darling Stephanie.

I hope this blog finds you well, whoever you are, and don't forget that trials always end at some point.