my self worth measured in text back tempo,
its been 2 days late minutes to slow.
there may still be others but i like to pretend,
that I'm the one you really want to grow old with...
Oh how I do love that song. Thank you, Imogen, for being such a musical genius.
This morning something happened that made me realize just how much I fear others. Not necessarily their person, but their opinions and thoughts. What are they thinking? Do they think I'm as big a failure as I think myself to be? Do they pity me? I don't want to be pitied.
Maybe it's myself that I fear. I think I definitely push my own thoughts of what I think of myself onto other people. Like, they must think that way about me too.
Yesterday I was uuuber depressed. I woke up and instantly felt a cloud over my head. The frustrating thing is that I can't link it to anything. Nothing happened that I should think would bring about bad memories or something. How does one fix something that happens for no reason? I mean, most people can tell when they're going to get depressed because something triggers it. Mine's just like, randomly, 'HEY! I'm here to ruin your day and make you as miserable as possible. Aren't you glad??!!" Bleh.
I'm reading Francine River's version of the story of Ruth right now. Tis one of the most beautiful stories in the Bible, in my opinion. I want to be like Ruth some day.... loyal, loving, someone with a total servant's heart, and someone who most importantly follows God no matter what He asks of her. That's a lot to live up to, and she was a Moabite!
Today I'm going to look and see if I can find a new dog in the animal shelter down in Calhoun. I'm really excited :) The last animal shelter I went to was really nice, but the people were rude and almost all of the dogs were pit bulls. I mean, they are dogs too, but yuck. ha! We'll see what I find though, because I'm looking for something pretty particular.
Anyway, I guess I'm going to wrap this up. I'm house sitting this week and didn't get much sleep last night so I'm pretty exhausted. Still have to go to the shelter, drive all the way home, work on the fence, feed my charges, and then about a million other things. *sigh* Anyone up for taking my place?? hehe. Just kidding, I love where the Lord has placed me... even if it isn't very glamorous.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
mutare
mutare = 'to change', in Latin. Change seems to be following me these days.
Moving to Denver changed a lot inside of me. I feel like a completely different person has returned to her small little home town of Chatsworth. It's not the kind of change you would expect would have come about, either.
Before I moved to Denver I considered myself a risk taker. I was always ready to try the new thing, explore a new place, etc etc etc. I was not at all confident in myself, but I was cynical enough and sarcastic enough to make it seem like I was. I was always out with someone, doing some activity, or just hanging out with friends. I hated being at home... it was a place I almost dreaded. Moving to Denver seemed like the perfect adventure for my longing heart. A place to escape the bad memories and hurt. Who could hurt me if I was 1500 miles away?
I'm not sure, exactly, what happened to me in Denver. At the beginning it seemed that everything was going perfectly. I was going out into a huge city, finding my own job, looking at apartments, and making my own life. But, then something happened. I can't give it a name, because as far as I'm concerned I don't know what it is.
It's like something shifted inside me. I started to hesitate when I wanted to ride my bike down to the store. At first I didn't allow it, but I gradually started to allow fear to creep into my heart. It makes me think of that black goo in Spider Man 3... it started out small, but eventually took over.
Now that I am back in GA, things are very strange. Where I used to hate my house, now I have no desire to ever leave it. Where I used to love hanging out with my friends, now I quiver at the thought of being in a group of people. Where I used to be a closed, and tightly locked, chasm of secrets, now I want to be honest with people and have people know me for who I really am. Where I used to sit and dream about what I could do in life, now I'm more prone to sit and fear what life may bring.
I love being back in Ga, which is strange because I used to want to do anything to get away. But, when I think about it, I don't think it's Ga I love... it's the security of my home. I don't like going out, in fact, I avoid it. I have become terrified of seeing people I know, or who might know me. And when I do see people I know, I can't talk right... my brain goes into hyper mode and I freak out and my words come out so fast that they just tumble all over each other and don't make any sense. It's so frustrating, and makes me feel like a complete idiot.
Because I have chosen to not go to church at this stage in my life, I'm afraid my old friends (all of whom are from church) will want nothing to do with me. It's a struggle to not think, they must think I'm a total heathen....
I know I have to stay true to myself. I have to focus on God.
But this fear that has latched itself onto my heart... it's crippling.
Lord, you know my heart, you knew before the beginning of time that I would go through this. I know you have my back, and I know you are always willing to take my hand. Please, Father, help me out of this pit of fear. Pull me out of the mire. I don't want to be a slave to fear. I want to live life freely, my eyes always on You. I want my heart to be free and happy, and filled with love... not bitterness and hatred. I know you can do these things, and I will try my best to wait patiently on You, Lord.
I suppose you, the reader, might now know what to think about all this. I'm not even sure I know what to think. I would like to, however, ask for prayer from my brothers and sisters. And acceptance.
Only the Lord knows why life can so suddenly turn around for a person....
Moving to Denver changed a lot inside of me. I feel like a completely different person has returned to her small little home town of Chatsworth. It's not the kind of change you would expect would have come about, either.
Before I moved to Denver I considered myself a risk taker. I was always ready to try the new thing, explore a new place, etc etc etc. I was not at all confident in myself, but I was cynical enough and sarcastic enough to make it seem like I was. I was always out with someone, doing some activity, or just hanging out with friends. I hated being at home... it was a place I almost dreaded. Moving to Denver seemed like the perfect adventure for my longing heart. A place to escape the bad memories and hurt. Who could hurt me if I was 1500 miles away?
I'm not sure, exactly, what happened to me in Denver. At the beginning it seemed that everything was going perfectly. I was going out into a huge city, finding my own job, looking at apartments, and making my own life. But, then something happened. I can't give it a name, because as far as I'm concerned I don't know what it is.
It's like something shifted inside me. I started to hesitate when I wanted to ride my bike down to the store. At first I didn't allow it, but I gradually started to allow fear to creep into my heart. It makes me think of that black goo in Spider Man 3... it started out small, but eventually took over.
Now that I am back in GA, things are very strange. Where I used to hate my house, now I have no desire to ever leave it. Where I used to love hanging out with my friends, now I quiver at the thought of being in a group of people. Where I used to be a closed, and tightly locked, chasm of secrets, now I want to be honest with people and have people know me for who I really am. Where I used to sit and dream about what I could do in life, now I'm more prone to sit and fear what life may bring.
I love being back in Ga, which is strange because I used to want to do anything to get away. But, when I think about it, I don't think it's Ga I love... it's the security of my home. I don't like going out, in fact, I avoid it. I have become terrified of seeing people I know, or who might know me. And when I do see people I know, I can't talk right... my brain goes into hyper mode and I freak out and my words come out so fast that they just tumble all over each other and don't make any sense. It's so frustrating, and makes me feel like a complete idiot.
Because I have chosen to not go to church at this stage in my life, I'm afraid my old friends (all of whom are from church) will want nothing to do with me. It's a struggle to not think, they must think I'm a total heathen....
I know I have to stay true to myself. I have to focus on God.
But this fear that has latched itself onto my heart... it's crippling.
Lord, you know my heart, you knew before the beginning of time that I would go through this. I know you have my back, and I know you are always willing to take my hand. Please, Father, help me out of this pit of fear. Pull me out of the mire. I don't want to be a slave to fear. I want to live life freely, my eyes always on You. I want my heart to be free and happy, and filled with love... not bitterness and hatred. I know you can do these things, and I will try my best to wait patiently on You, Lord.
I suppose you, the reader, might now know what to think about all this. I'm not even sure I know what to think. I would like to, however, ask for prayer from my brothers and sisters. And acceptance.
Only the Lord knows why life can so suddenly turn around for a person....
Sunday, November 21, 2010
745 ft.
My current elevation right now.
Yup, I'm back in the lovely state of Ga for a while. Sitting on my old bed, in my new room. Kayleen has moved into my old bedroom, so my wonderful mother fixed her old bedroom all up for me. It's quite lovely, if I must admit.
Right now I am back here for the holiday season. At least until New Years. Christmas is going to be different, but fun this year and I'm really looking forward to it! Steph and Lindsey will be flying from Denver to Lindsey's parents house for Christmas, and then they'll come up to mom and dad's house for like 3 days after Christmas. Since everyone is going to be apart for C-mas, we decided to have the three of us girls, Andrew, and Emily all just get presents for each other. This will be the first Christmas in 2 or 3 years that we've actually had Christmas on Christmas, and the first in many, many years that we won't be drawing names. I'm excited because that means I get to buy presents for a whole bunch of poeple! hehe. :)
Things are changing for me, finally. It's not because I moved, or because I came back, or whatever. It's because I'm finally letting myself be me, and I'm finally letting God be my best friend, father, and protector. Things are beginning to make sense to me, where they never did before. My life long dream is really starting to take shape in my mind, and I feel like it's being daily painted there by my God. I am discovering things that I need, things that I don't, and millions of things in between. I am so thankful to my parents for being so supportive of me... especially my mom. They listen to me and they understand where I'm coming from. I think that is one of the most valuable things in my life.
As of right now, I am not attending church or anything. I have come to realize that being in church - and constantly trying to be the 'model Christian' - was killing my faith. I wasn't there because I wanted to be, I was there because I thought God would hate me if I wasn't. But when I moved to Denver it gave me a chance to take several steps back and survey my life and my faith. What I saw wasn't pretty.... I was basing my 'faith', or lack there of, on works and trying to always please God. I thought that if I wasn't in church, sunday school youth group, choir, teaching kids, etc. then He wouldn't notice me, let alone love me. Moving to Denver gave me the freedom to decide to not go to church, because I didn't have people pressuring me or influencing my thoughts. I was able to step away from the entire religion and take a much needed breather. But when I was out on my own breathing, I realized that I wanted God. I wanted Him as a friend. And I can now view Him as that, not as someone I am constantly afraid of displeasing. I have decided to still stay out of church for a while though, because I'm not strong enough in Him yet to have others thoughts and opinions pressuring me. Some may think it a 'unchristian-like' act, but I know that it is the best for me and for my relationship with my Jesus right now. And that relationship is the only one I'm worrying about right now.
I have also come to realize that I am ok with the fact that other people are going to think bad of me, or look down on me. I'm ok with it because I know God is the ultimate authority when it comes to my self-worth. Yeah, it bothers me or hurts my feelings or whatever, but I am learning to just honestly shrug and move on.
Finally realizing things about one's self is an amazing thing. The growth that comes from it is both exhausting and wonderful. I am very thankful that although I am no where near to learning everything about myself, God already has every inch of me figured out.
I don't know about you, but that is the most beautiful and reassuring thing I can think of. :)
Yup, I'm back in the lovely state of Ga for a while. Sitting on my old bed, in my new room. Kayleen has moved into my old bedroom, so my wonderful mother fixed her old bedroom all up for me. It's quite lovely, if I must admit.
Right now I am back here for the holiday season. At least until New Years. Christmas is going to be different, but fun this year and I'm really looking forward to it! Steph and Lindsey will be flying from Denver to Lindsey's parents house for Christmas, and then they'll come up to mom and dad's house for like 3 days after Christmas. Since everyone is going to be apart for C-mas, we decided to have the three of us girls, Andrew, and Emily all just get presents for each other. This will be the first Christmas in 2 or 3 years that we've actually had Christmas on Christmas, and the first in many, many years that we won't be drawing names. I'm excited because that means I get to buy presents for a whole bunch of poeple! hehe. :)
Things are changing for me, finally. It's not because I moved, or because I came back, or whatever. It's because I'm finally letting myself be me, and I'm finally letting God be my best friend, father, and protector. Things are beginning to make sense to me, where they never did before. My life long dream is really starting to take shape in my mind, and I feel like it's being daily painted there by my God. I am discovering things that I need, things that I don't, and millions of things in between. I am so thankful to my parents for being so supportive of me... especially my mom. They listen to me and they understand where I'm coming from. I think that is one of the most valuable things in my life.
As of right now, I am not attending church or anything. I have come to realize that being in church - and constantly trying to be the 'model Christian' - was killing my faith. I wasn't there because I wanted to be, I was there because I thought God would hate me if I wasn't. But when I moved to Denver it gave me a chance to take several steps back and survey my life and my faith. What I saw wasn't pretty.... I was basing my 'faith', or lack there of, on works and trying to always please God. I thought that if I wasn't in church, sunday school youth group, choir, teaching kids, etc. then He wouldn't notice me, let alone love me. Moving to Denver gave me the freedom to decide to not go to church, because I didn't have people pressuring me or influencing my thoughts. I was able to step away from the entire religion and take a much needed breather. But when I was out on my own breathing, I realized that I wanted God. I wanted Him as a friend. And I can now view Him as that, not as someone I am constantly afraid of displeasing. I have decided to still stay out of church for a while though, because I'm not strong enough in Him yet to have others thoughts and opinions pressuring me. Some may think it a 'unchristian-like' act, but I know that it is the best for me and for my relationship with my Jesus right now. And that relationship is the only one I'm worrying about right now.
I have also come to realize that I am ok with the fact that other people are going to think bad of me, or look down on me. I'm ok with it because I know God is the ultimate authority when it comes to my self-worth. Yeah, it bothers me or hurts my feelings or whatever, but I am learning to just honestly shrug and move on.
Finally realizing things about one's self is an amazing thing. The growth that comes from it is both exhausting and wonderful. I am very thankful that although I am no where near to learning everything about myself, God already has every inch of me figured out.
I don't know about you, but that is the most beautiful and reassuring thing I can think of. :)
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Safe
You keep tryin to get inside my head,
While I keep trying to lose the words you said
Can't you see i'm hangin by a thread,
To my life what I know, yeah i'm losing control and
Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, its more than I can take
I'm so tired of turning and running away
When love ju--st isn't safe
(your not safe, mmm-mm)
I'm strong enough, i've always told myself
I never want to need somebody else
But i've already fallen from that hill,
So i'm droppin that guard here's your chance at my heart and
Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, its more than I can take
I'm so tired of turning and running away
When love ju-st isn't
Britt Nicole Safe lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/britt-nicole-safe-lyrics.html
Everything you want, but its everything you need
Its not always happy endings but its hap-py in betweeen
Its taken so long, so long to finally see
The other isn't worth the risk
Oh no, my walls are gonna breeeaakk
Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, its more than I can take
So tired of turning and running away
When love ju-st isn't safe
Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, its more than I can take
So tired of turning and running away
When love just isn't safe
Your not safe
And that's okay
~~ Safe, by Britt Nicole
While I keep trying to lose the words you said
Can't you see i'm hangin by a thread,
To my life what I know, yeah i'm losing control and
Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, its more than I can take
I'm so tired of turning and running away
When love ju--st isn't safe
(your not safe, mmm-mm)
I'm strong enough, i've always told myself
I never want to need somebody else
But i've already fallen from that hill,
So i'm droppin that guard here's your chance at my heart and
Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, its more than I can take
I'm so tired of turning and running away
When love ju-st isn't
Britt Nicole Safe lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/britt-nicole-safe-lyrics.html
Everything you want, but its everything you need
Its not always happy endings but its hap-py in betweeen
Its taken so long, so long to finally see
The other isn't worth the risk
Oh no, my walls are gonna breeeaakk
Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, its more than I can take
So tired of turning and running away
When love ju-st isn't safe
Oh no, my walls are gonna break
So close, its more than I can take
So tired of turning and running away
When love just isn't safe
Your not safe
And that's okay
~~ Safe, by Britt Nicole
Monday, November 8, 2010
ramblings
'No elf shall be employed in anything other then singing, dancing, or tom-foolery'
haha. Gotta love Ella Enchanted :)
I really don't have anything to say, but I do feel the need to update my blog. I'm going through some hard stuff right now, and some very hard decisions. Well, the decisions themselves aren't necessarily hard, but the choosing which path to take sure is!
There is a calling for snow tomorrow... and possibly several inches by Thursday! That's exciting to me :) Maybe I'll get to wear my new coat soon!
Anyways, I think that's about all I got.
Oh, I did get some really cute boots the other day :)
haha. Gotta love Ella Enchanted :)
I really don't have anything to say, but I do feel the need to update my blog. I'm going through some hard stuff right now, and some very hard decisions. Well, the decisions themselves aren't necessarily hard, but the choosing which path to take sure is!
There is a calling for snow tomorrow... and possibly several inches by Thursday! That's exciting to me :) Maybe I'll get to wear my new coat soon!
Anyways, I think that's about all I got.
Oh, I did get some really cute boots the other day :)
Thursday, November 4, 2010
What if
What if everything didn't happen for a reason?
What if there was no God watching our every move from above?
What if our conscience didn't say anything when we screwed up?
What if we had to live life feeling hopeless, with no hope of finding forgiveness and redemption?
What if up meant down? Or right meant left?
What if being poor didn't mean you were scum?
What if the average rich person actually cared?
What if people didn't turn a deaf and bitter ear when someone tried to share Christ with them?
What if Ghandi wouldn't have said "I love your Christ, but not your Christians"?
What if Hitler hadn't been born? Or, what if something hadn't happened to make him so hateful?
What if I hadn't been born into a family who followed the gospel?
What if I had never realized that God is a friend, not an enemy?
What if God hadn't offered His only son as a sacrifice for the entire world?
Life has so many 'if's. It's hard to think about things as if they might have been different. I for one am glad that Christ saved humanity. Life would be so, empty if there was no hope. I know I have not always had this outlook on faith, but I sure thankful that I even have the chance to find a savior.
I heard a song on the radio this morning after I dropped Lindsey off at work @ 5:45. It's by the band Everlast and it's called What It's Like. I've never heard of the band, nor have I ever heard the song... but I'm thankful I just happened to turn on the radio as it came on. The song is designed to make people think, and it definitely achieved that with me. I encourage you to give it a listen.
My laptop is about to die, and I've got a dog curled up in my lap which makes me very reluctant to get up and go fetch my power cord... so I'll wrap this up for now.
Think today about where God has placed you in the world. What if He put there for an amazingly special purpose that only you can fulfill? I'd like to think that's the case for each and every person on earth... it's just a matter of whether or not we realize it before it's too late.
What if there was no God watching our every move from above?
What if our conscience didn't say anything when we screwed up?
What if we had to live life feeling hopeless, with no hope of finding forgiveness and redemption?
What if up meant down? Or right meant left?
What if being poor didn't mean you were scum?
What if the average rich person actually cared?
What if people didn't turn a deaf and bitter ear when someone tried to share Christ with them?
What if Ghandi wouldn't have said "I love your Christ, but not your Christians"?
What if Hitler hadn't been born? Or, what if something hadn't happened to make him so hateful?
What if I hadn't been born into a family who followed the gospel?
What if I had never realized that God is a friend, not an enemy?
What if God hadn't offered His only son as a sacrifice for the entire world?
Life has so many 'if's. It's hard to think about things as if they might have been different. I for one am glad that Christ saved humanity. Life would be so, empty if there was no hope. I know I have not always had this outlook on faith, but I sure thankful that I even have the chance to find a savior.
I heard a song on the radio this morning after I dropped Lindsey off at work @ 5:45. It's by the band Everlast and it's called What It's Like. I've never heard of the band, nor have I ever heard the song... but I'm thankful I just happened to turn on the radio as it came on. The song is designed to make people think, and it definitely achieved that with me. I encourage you to give it a listen.
My laptop is about to die, and I've got a dog curled up in my lap which makes me very reluctant to get up and go fetch my power cord... so I'll wrap this up for now.
Think today about where God has placed you in the world. What if He put there for an amazingly special purpose that only you can fulfill? I'd like to think that's the case for each and every person on earth... it's just a matter of whether or not we realize it before it's too late.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
apple pie... a la mode
Stephanie and I (yes, I actually helped cook. :p) made a homemade apple pie for dessert last night. It was phenominally good, although Steph said the crust was too crumbly. I thought the crust was (and is right now as I eat a piece after my lunch *wink*) very good. I'm proud of us. :)
This morning I got up, took a shower, ate some breakfast, took the dogs out, and then headed off to the library. We have an amazing, 7-story library just 7 blocks from our apartment. It's a lovely walk, and I thoroughly enjoyed it this morning because it was cool enough for just a long-sleeve shirt and the breeze was amazing. I spent a long time wandering around the library, since I don't know my way around yet. I spent a lonnnnng time in the photography section, and found some awesome books! I also got some cool books about the history of Colorado and stuff. I figured I ought to do some learning since I've got all this free time again.
I've had a rough past couple of days, but thankfully today has been much better. I was about ready to start walking home last night, just because I'm emotionally spent and I really miss, and need, the support of my friends. But, I'm still here, and the beauty of today made me very glad that I am. :)
This morning I had a really discussion with God on my walk to the library. We didn't talk about spiritual stuff, because we didn't have to. I just talked to Him about the people I passed, the sights I saw, and thanked Him for the wonderful breeze on my face. It was the first time I embraced just being friends with Him, instead of thinking everything has to be super spiritual. It was wonderful :)
So, if you ever come to Denver in the fall, stop by our apartment and we'll make you a delicious, slightly crumbly apple pie.
This morning I got up, took a shower, ate some breakfast, took the dogs out, and then headed off to the library. We have an amazing, 7-story library just 7 blocks from our apartment. It's a lovely walk, and I thoroughly enjoyed it this morning because it was cool enough for just a long-sleeve shirt and the breeze was amazing. I spent a long time wandering around the library, since I don't know my way around yet. I spent a lonnnnng time in the photography section, and found some awesome books! I also got some cool books about the history of Colorado and stuff. I figured I ought to do some learning since I've got all this free time again.
I've had a rough past couple of days, but thankfully today has been much better. I was about ready to start walking home last night, just because I'm emotionally spent and I really miss, and need, the support of my friends. But, I'm still here, and the beauty of today made me very glad that I am. :)
This morning I had a really discussion with God on my walk to the library. We didn't talk about spiritual stuff, because we didn't have to. I just talked to Him about the people I passed, the sights I saw, and thanked Him for the wonderful breeze on my face. It was the first time I embraced just being friends with Him, instead of thinking everything has to be super spiritual. It was wonderful :)
So, if you ever come to Denver in the fall, stop by our apartment and we'll make you a delicious, slightly crumbly apple pie.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
baby giraffes!
Today was an extraordinarily pleasant day. :) It was a free day at the Denver zoo, so Steph and I (Lindsey was working her first day at the hotel!) went right after lunch. I've been looking forward to it for like 2 weeks, so I was super excited. Obviously, there were like 2 million people there so we had to park really far away and we accidently walked clear all the way around the outside of the zoo before we found the entrance. :-p
IT was so much FUN! The exhibits are amazing, and the animals were so active and lively! (I guess animals in southern zoos are just too daggum hot. haha.) We got to see four tiger cubs, 3 baby giraffes (which, for those of you who know how insane I am about giraffes, totally made my day), and a sea lion show! The weather was amazing: sunny, cool, breezy. Ahhhh. :) I will definitely be frequenting that zoo every free day from now on. hehe.
The mountains are covered in snow today. It's quite possibly one of the most spectacular things I've ever seen! This weekend Lindsey's uncle will be here and we're going trail riding in Estes Park, so the views from there will be unbeliveable. I simply can't wait!
I am super excited about the weather soon being cold enough for me to wear my new coat. I shall post a picture of the first time I get to wear it, and ya'll will love it as much as I do! ;)
My time in TX was so much fun, and too short! I miss my nieces immensely. And my younger sisters even more! We were lucky enough to have a day and a half to hang out with Trent while he was off work, which was a real treat! We had a great time playing UNO and sixes. I thought about sticking Ellie in my suitcase before I left, but I'm pretty sure I'd get arrested, :-p
Anywayz.... It's back on the job hunt for me I suppose. I've applied to two office positions in the last couple days, so we'll see how that goes. I'm also looking into starting school part-time in January. Change, change, change... I think I'm getting kinda good at it. hehe.
The timer on the oven is beeping, which means my pizza is done! And my show starts in 23 minutes, so I better run!
peace out, Denveh.
IT was so much FUN! The exhibits are amazing, and the animals were so active and lively! (I guess animals in southern zoos are just too daggum hot. haha.) We got to see four tiger cubs, 3 baby giraffes (which, for those of you who know how insane I am about giraffes, totally made my day), and a sea lion show! The weather was amazing: sunny, cool, breezy. Ahhhh. :) I will definitely be frequenting that zoo every free day from now on. hehe.
The mountains are covered in snow today. It's quite possibly one of the most spectacular things I've ever seen! This weekend Lindsey's uncle will be here and we're going trail riding in Estes Park, so the views from there will be unbeliveable. I simply can't wait!
I am super excited about the weather soon being cold enough for me to wear my new coat. I shall post a picture of the first time I get to wear it, and ya'll will love it as much as I do! ;)
My time in TX was so much fun, and too short! I miss my nieces immensely. And my younger sisters even more! We were lucky enough to have a day and a half to hang out with Trent while he was off work, which was a real treat! We had a great time playing UNO and sixes. I thought about sticking Ellie in my suitcase before I left, but I'm pretty sure I'd get arrested, :-p
Anywayz.... It's back on the job hunt for me I suppose. I've applied to two office positions in the last couple days, so we'll see how that goes. I'm also looking into starting school part-time in January. Change, change, change... I think I'm getting kinda good at it. hehe.
The timer on the oven is beeping, which means my pizza is done! And my show starts in 23 minutes, so I better run!
peace out, Denveh.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
link to pics
Just thought I'd post the link real quick to my pics from the family's visit to Denver. :) My bro--in-law (who I found out is a follower of my blog. YAY!) requested that I do so. hehe.
Enjoy!
http://www.facebook.com/hannah.wiersma#!/album.php?aid=2089734&id=1150162050
Enjoy!
http://www.facebook.com/hannah.wiersma#!/album.php?aid=2089734&id=1150162050
Friday, October 8, 2010
Fort Worth
Well, to everyone's surprise (and my own), I quit my job on Monday. Not to my surprise, my hips were the reason. They can't handle standing in one place all day, and that's exactly what I had to do all day. And the machines were too short for me so I was always stooped over. =[ So, it's back on the job hunt for me. Yay. Hopefully it won't be toooo bad.. and maybe I can still get a job at Petsmart where I could sit down behind the register. We'll see I supppose.
Quitting my job, however, freed me up for a few days to drive down to TX with mom, val, and Kayleen. I'll be here until Tuesday and flying home to Denver that afternoon. It's so hot here compared to home!! I'm croaking in the humidity again. haha. I didn't think it would be this big of a difference! Lindsey says the weather is gonna be really cool when I get home though, so I'm excited about that. Oh dear, listen to me..... I'm excited about cold weather. =p
Having the family in Denver with us was so much fun! We went to several different state parks, drove to Estes Park together, had a girls night, went shopping together, and all kinds of fun stuff. It was lovely to have everyone stay in the apartment with us, although it was rather cramped though! I didn't mind a bit though (except I slightly minded the constant mess. haha) because we got to spend all the more time with them. I think they really liked Denver, which is wonderful news for those of us who live in Denver and want them close by!
I'm super exhausted from driving yesterday and the day before. We decided to break the trip down here into 2 days for mom's sake, and it worked out pretty well but was very long. I drove most of the way, until about an hour outside of Fort Worth when my exhaustion caught up with me and started crying in the McDonalds parking lot. ha. For those of you who know how often I cry... I was really tired.
I have some really great pics to post from the week with the family, but way too many to post on here, so I'll be putting them on facebook here in the next day or two. :)
Miss my Steph and Lindsey! And Corin! And the coolness! ;)
Quitting my job, however, freed me up for a few days to drive down to TX with mom, val, and Kayleen. I'll be here until Tuesday and flying home to Denver that afternoon. It's so hot here compared to home!! I'm croaking in the humidity again. haha. I didn't think it would be this big of a difference! Lindsey says the weather is gonna be really cool when I get home though, so I'm excited about that. Oh dear, listen to me..... I'm excited about cold weather. =p
Having the family in Denver with us was so much fun! We went to several different state parks, drove to Estes Park together, had a girls night, went shopping together, and all kinds of fun stuff. It was lovely to have everyone stay in the apartment with us, although it was rather cramped though! I didn't mind a bit though (except I slightly minded the constant mess. haha) because we got to spend all the more time with them. I think they really liked Denver, which is wonderful news for those of us who live in Denver and want them close by!
I'm super exhausted from driving yesterday and the day before. We decided to break the trip down here into 2 days for mom's sake, and it worked out pretty well but was very long. I drove most of the way, until about an hour outside of Fort Worth when my exhaustion caught up with me and started crying in the McDonalds parking lot. ha. For those of you who know how often I cry... I was really tired.
I have some really great pics to post from the week with the family, but way too many to post on here, so I'll be putting them on facebook here in the next day or two. :)
Miss my Steph and Lindsey! And Corin! And the coolness! ;)
Monday, September 20, 2010
The Mystery of the Elusive Watch
Once upon a time there was a girl, and this girl had a wrist watch. It was nothing special, just a black sports watch. However, this girl really liked this watch, and she wore it almost every day. Now one day, this girl decided to move to Colorado. She bought a plane ticket, packed her things, and said a tearful goodbye to her family. A few days after she arrived, the girl lost her watch unknowingly. Day after day she would hear it beeping somewhere on the hour, but countless attempts to find the watch all ended in nothing. She searched through her suitcases, her laptop bag, and under the bed... but still no watch. The girl sat down on her bed and the watch beeped from somewhere in the room.
"Daggum it!" she cried, "I am going to find that watch no matter what!!"
She rushed out of the room, turned on her laptop and opened the file that held her pictures.
"If I really did bring the watch with me when I moved, then I'll be wearing it in one of these pictures..." She mumbled as she searched and searched. Finally, she opened up a picture and there it was, the black watch on her wrist! Now, that in fact proves that the watch did come to Colorado with the girl. So, somewhere in the bedroom of the girl who moved to Colorado, the black sports watch hides, taunting those who try to find it with it's hourly beep.......
Stay tuned for the conclusion of this ridiculous, but true story... as the girl who moved to Colorado finds the watch!!!
*dah dah doooooommmm*
"Daggum it!" she cried, "I am going to find that watch no matter what!!"
She rushed out of the room, turned on her laptop and opened the file that held her pictures.
"If I really did bring the watch with me when I moved, then I'll be wearing it in one of these pictures..." She mumbled as she searched and searched. Finally, she opened up a picture and there it was, the black watch on her wrist! Now, that in fact proves that the watch did come to Colorado with the girl. So, somewhere in the bedroom of the girl who moved to Colorado, the black sports watch hides, taunting those who try to find it with it's hourly beep.......
Stay tuned for the conclusion of this ridiculous, but true story... as the girl who moved to Colorado finds the watch!!!
*dah dah doooooommmm*
Saturday, September 18, 2010
changing lights
It is very quiet here this morning. I suppose since it's a Saturday every person who would normally be up and bustling around at this time, is still nestled in bed. I, however, am wide awake and enjoying the cool air on my face as I sit on the patio. I love coming out here in the mornings and just watching. This morning there isn't much to watch besides the traffic light changing every couple of minutes and only the occasional car flying through the intersection.
A bright blue van just drove by with decorative flames covering the entire front half of the vehicle. The two colors rather clashed against each other in my opinion.
It's a rare cloudy day in Denver this morning. I don't remember more then 3 or 4 cloudy days ever since I moved here. I actually find it a treat to wake up and find out that it's cloudy. hehe. I do miss all the thunderstorms in GA. The clouds here are much different then the ones in Georgia... they have more character. No, seriously. It must be because of the mountains or something, but the clouds here are much fluffier. We rarely get those GA type overcast days where it's just an ugly blanket of white. They're much more defined here. I like it a lot :)
Last night I gravely missed my darling Traci. I would have given anything to be curled up on her couch talking, or throwing popcorn at each other, or playing wii. Heck, I would love to just clean the kitchen with her. hehe. This move has been an excellent thing for me, but I desperately miss my friends back home.
Oh! I just thought I should let ya'll know that I am changing my hair yet again. I'm just not digging this extreme red color... I don't think I'm punk enough or something. Whatever the reason is, I've decided to go back to brown. I think it suits my personality better. haha.
I do believe I'll go make myself some breakfast and then maybe take Corin down to the park for a spell. This cold weather has me in a mood to be active. :)
A bright blue van just drove by with decorative flames covering the entire front half of the vehicle. The two colors rather clashed against each other in my opinion.
It's a rare cloudy day in Denver this morning. I don't remember more then 3 or 4 cloudy days ever since I moved here. I actually find it a treat to wake up and find out that it's cloudy. hehe. I do miss all the thunderstorms in GA. The clouds here are much different then the ones in Georgia... they have more character. No, seriously. It must be because of the mountains or something, but the clouds here are much fluffier. We rarely get those GA type overcast days where it's just an ugly blanket of white. They're much more defined here. I like it a lot :)
Last night I gravely missed my darling Traci. I would have given anything to be curled up on her couch talking, or throwing popcorn at each other, or playing wii. Heck, I would love to just clean the kitchen with her. hehe. This move has been an excellent thing for me, but I desperately miss my friends back home.
Oh! I just thought I should let ya'll know that I am changing my hair yet again. I'm just not digging this extreme red color... I don't think I'm punk enough or something. Whatever the reason is, I've decided to go back to brown. I think it suits my personality better. haha.
I do believe I'll go make myself some breakfast and then maybe take Corin down to the park for a spell. This cold weather has me in a mood to be active. :)
Friday, September 17, 2010
Thank you Armani
for putting that amazing song on your commercial. I am in love.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTM7c12YIvE&NR=1
If I could, I would force everyone to listen to this song. It's short, but almost life changing in a way. It makes me feel like I could do anything. It makes me feel like I could fall in love. It makes me want to live life with reckless abandon.
Music makes me feel like no one or no other thing on this planet makes me feel. It gives me freedom. Freedom. There are no walls when I've got music playing. It gives me wings... which is my heart's greatest desire.
I want to play the piano again. I need to be able to make my own freedom. Freedom that comes from the depths of my soul, instead of someone else's.
Mmmm, this song is like a sky full of shooting stars.... magic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTM7c12YIvE&NR=1
If I could, I would force everyone to listen to this song. It's short, but almost life changing in a way. It makes me feel like I could do anything. It makes me feel like I could fall in love. It makes me want to live life with reckless abandon.
Music makes me feel like no one or no other thing on this planet makes me feel. It gives me freedom. Freedom. There are no walls when I've got music playing. It gives me wings... which is my heart's greatest desire.
I want to play the piano again. I need to be able to make my own freedom. Freedom that comes from the depths of my soul, instead of someone else's.
Mmmm, this song is like a sky full of shooting stars.... magic.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
waiting
after much thought (like, seriously, a ton...), I have decided to wait on the apartment for a while. I have the money to start up an apartment, but no money for 2nd month's rent, food, decor, etc. I probably could have scraped by, but I feel like it is much wiser to just stay here with Steph and Linds while I settle into my new job and earn some real money. It seems a much less stressful route to take. hehe.
I hate not being able to have a cat for so long though! *sad face* But atleast these girls have two of the sweetest dogs ever. Corin and I have bonded lately over our daily walks or bike rides. :)
Tomorrow both Stephanie and Lindsey will be working all day, so I shall be a very lonely girl. Hopefully I'll find something fun to do though, like walk down to the library or something! However, I am desperately looking forward to starting my job...
Today Lindsey and I played Indiana Jones - Lego version for like 8 hours on the playstation. Not even kidding. I have never in my life played on a playstation that long. haha. It was really fun though, and although my eyes are burning like a mother tonight, I wouldn't have traded today. :)
Oh, and Steph got to come home from work for lunch, which was grand! She's only been working for 4 days, but I feel like I haven't eaten lunch with her in ages. Oh dear.... am I getting attached??? lol.
I'm quite tired, I got up at 7:15 this morning because I went to bed so early last night. Speaking of last night! Survivor started! *does a happy jig* I think it's going to be another interesting season....
In a little over a week I'll be seeing my family!! OH MY GOSH!! I simply can't wait :)
G'night Denver, my sweet.
I hate not being able to have a cat for so long though! *sad face* But atleast these girls have two of the sweetest dogs ever. Corin and I have bonded lately over our daily walks or bike rides. :)
Tomorrow both Stephanie and Lindsey will be working all day, so I shall be a very lonely girl. Hopefully I'll find something fun to do though, like walk down to the library or something! However, I am desperately looking forward to starting my job...
Today Lindsey and I played Indiana Jones - Lego version for like 8 hours on the playstation. Not even kidding. I have never in my life played on a playstation that long. haha. It was really fun though, and although my eyes are burning like a mother tonight, I wouldn't have traded today. :)
Oh, and Steph got to come home from work for lunch, which was grand! She's only been working for 4 days, but I feel like I haven't eaten lunch with her in ages. Oh dear.... am I getting attached??? lol.
I'm quite tired, I got up at 7:15 this morning because I went to bed so early last night. Speaking of last night! Survivor started! *does a happy jig* I think it's going to be another interesting season....
In a little over a week I'll be seeing my family!! OH MY GOSH!! I simply can't wait :)
G'night Denver, my sweet.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Apartment 32
could possibly be the address of my new home. For a while, anyway. It's not my dream apartment, but I think I can do some cute things with it... and for the price, it's fab!
I'll find out tomorrow, I believe.
Today I felt like an adult for possibly the first time. I did things all by myself that I never in a million years would have done 6 months ago. Maybe not even 2 months ago. I navigated myself on a bike to Steph's work, threw the bike in the back of the car, drove to Petsmart, got the papers for the pre-employment drug test, found my way to the clinic to get the drug-test (which was in a hospital), took the drug-test, and found my way all the way home! Then I called up an apartment, and went to look at it all by myself... and now I think it's going to be my place! hehe. I don't think I've ever felt this accomplished.
I can't believe how far I've come in the last two months. I've moved myself out here, found a job, and now I'm finding myself an apartment. This brings a smile to my face. :)
Today, I also managed to take both dogs for a walk, took my vitamins, did my hip exercises, drank tons of water, and only got a little bit of head ache this evening!
Anyway, enough about that. But, it's been a good day. :)
I just watched Juno, which I think is one of my favorite movies. It also makes me smile.
Tomorrow I get to go downtown and fill out paper work at the hotel. Fun, fun, fun.
Out, Denveh.
I'll find out tomorrow, I believe.
Today I felt like an adult for possibly the first time. I did things all by myself that I never in a million years would have done 6 months ago. Maybe not even 2 months ago. I navigated myself on a bike to Steph's work, threw the bike in the back of the car, drove to Petsmart, got the papers for the pre-employment drug test, found my way to the clinic to get the drug-test (which was in a hospital), took the drug-test, and found my way all the way home! Then I called up an apartment, and went to look at it all by myself... and now I think it's going to be my place! hehe. I don't think I've ever felt this accomplished.
I can't believe how far I've come in the last two months. I've moved myself out here, found a job, and now I'm finding myself an apartment. This brings a smile to my face. :)
Today, I also managed to take both dogs for a walk, took my vitamins, did my hip exercises, drank tons of water, and only got a little bit of head ache this evening!
Anyway, enough about that. But, it's been a good day. :)
I just watched Juno, which I think is one of my favorite movies. It also makes me smile.
Tomorrow I get to go downtown and fill out paper work at the hotel. Fun, fun, fun.
Out, Denveh.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
no comment.
that is what I would say to someone if they asked me how I'm feeling right now.
my eveing has been an inner turmoil of anger and blankness.
anger at no particular thing. which, in itself, is extremely angering.
and blankness at everything else.
my head hurts so bad that I'd rather go for having no head at all, would it save me from this agony. and what's worse? these headaches are a regularly occuring nightly thing.
bleeeeehhhhh.
can I vomit now?
sleep, please come quickly to me tonight... for I so gravely need your solice.
my eveing has been an inner turmoil of anger and blankness.
anger at no particular thing. which, in itself, is extremely angering.
and blankness at everything else.
my head hurts so bad that I'd rather go for having no head at all, would it save me from this agony. and what's worse? these headaches are a regularly occuring nightly thing.
bleeeeehhhhh.
can I vomit now?
sleep, please come quickly to me tonight... for I so gravely need your solice.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Phineas and Ferb
Oh Phineas and Ferb, how I love you so. You make me laugh out loud, whenever I watch your show.
*singing* "so stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it alllllll!!" "Mom!! Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!!"
Steph has an interview today for a nanny job! I think she will make the best nanny this side of the Mississippi. She has such a way with kids :)
I'm getting my hair cut today! It's getting much too shaggy, and thanks to a coupon from Steph I get it for only $10 bucks!
Thanks to a wonderful friend, I am going to be able to get my own apartment! We think we've found the perfect one, about 5 blocks from Steph and Lindsey, but still looking around before making a final decision. I really like this one though... the building is wonderfully kept up, the onsite manager is really friendly and professional, and the place is so clean! :) I love clean.
Lindsey is going home to visit her family this weekend, and I'm so excited for her! I'm also excited about having a whole weekend of just Steph and I. :) We're going to a bird festival on Sat., which I'm royally psyched about!! I think it will be a grand weekend for all three of us, even though we'll be half a continent apart.
Here's a few pics from our Labor day picnic on Monday. *wink*
*singing* "so stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it alllllll!!" "Mom!! Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!!"
Steph has an interview today for a nanny job! I think she will make the best nanny this side of the Mississippi. She has such a way with kids :)
I'm getting my hair cut today! It's getting much too shaggy, and thanks to a coupon from Steph I get it for only $10 bucks!
Thanks to a wonderful friend, I am going to be able to get my own apartment! We think we've found the perfect one, about 5 blocks from Steph and Lindsey, but still looking around before making a final decision. I really like this one though... the building is wonderfully kept up, the onsite manager is really friendly and professional, and the place is so clean! :) I love clean.
Lindsey is going home to visit her family this weekend, and I'm so excited for her! I'm also excited about having a whole weekend of just Steph and I. :) We're going to a bird festival on Sat., which I'm royally psyched about!! I think it will be a grand weekend for all three of us, even though we'll be half a continent apart.
Here's a few pics from our Labor day picnic on Monday. *wink*
Friday, September 3, 2010
red
is the color I dyed my hair last night. :) It's a very slight change in color, but I'm really happy with it for now!
I haven't had the chance, ok, I haven't had the desire to blog lately. But, I've got some free time on my hands this wonderful afternoon and so I figured I ought to take the time to type a few things out. hehe.
Lately things have been going really well around here! After a much needed communication breech between the three of us, we're all getting along much better. I would like to apologize for the negative way in which I painted Steph and Lindsey's lifestyle. I greatly respect the way they do life, and I am eternally grateful to them for opening up their home to me. I really needed this, and they provided exactly that at the perfect time. It's not always easy, but I'm learning that you have to communicate in order for things to work together for good. :) I do love living here in this amazing city with two of my very best friends.
The three of us have been hot on the apartment look out this week. We're trying to find a little studio for me here in the Capitol Hill neighborhood so I can be close to the girls and downtown. I'm really enjoying looking at different places, seeing what I could do with the spaces, etc. This is the first time I've ever done something like this, so it's a great adventure for me! :)
I can't wait for mom, Val, and Leen to come out for a visit! They'll be here in a little over 3 weeks, which is so exciting! This is such a wonderful city and I know they're going to love it and I can't wait to show it to them!
Steph and I discovered that during the colder months the zoo offers 2 free days a month! I'm super excited about that! :) We also found out today that Sept. 25 is free museum day, so we'll definitely be taking advantage of that too. It's so nice to live in a city with so much culture and so many things to do!
I was thinking about posting some pics of the things we've been doing the past couple of days, but most of you have me as a friend on facebook and can just look on there, which is a lot easier. hehe.
Tonight we're going to have a movie night if I'm correct, which should be fun! I love how just a bit of communication solved so many issues. Thanks whoever thought of that. :)
a little shout out to Lindsey and Steph: I love you both and I'm so thankful for the sacrifices you've made for me :)
I haven't had the chance, ok, I haven't had the desire to blog lately. But, I've got some free time on my hands this wonderful afternoon and so I figured I ought to take the time to type a few things out. hehe.
Lately things have been going really well around here! After a much needed communication breech between the three of us, we're all getting along much better. I would like to apologize for the negative way in which I painted Steph and Lindsey's lifestyle. I greatly respect the way they do life, and I am eternally grateful to them for opening up their home to me. I really needed this, and they provided exactly that at the perfect time. It's not always easy, but I'm learning that you have to communicate in order for things to work together for good. :) I do love living here in this amazing city with two of my very best friends.
The three of us have been hot on the apartment look out this week. We're trying to find a little studio for me here in the Capitol Hill neighborhood so I can be close to the girls and downtown. I'm really enjoying looking at different places, seeing what I could do with the spaces, etc. This is the first time I've ever done something like this, so it's a great adventure for me! :)
I can't wait for mom, Val, and Leen to come out for a visit! They'll be here in a little over 3 weeks, which is so exciting! This is such a wonderful city and I know they're going to love it and I can't wait to show it to them!
Steph and I discovered that during the colder months the zoo offers 2 free days a month! I'm super excited about that! :) We also found out today that Sept. 25 is free museum day, so we'll definitely be taking advantage of that too. It's so nice to live in a city with so much culture and so many things to do!
I was thinking about posting some pics of the things we've been doing the past couple of days, but most of you have me as a friend on facebook and can just look on there, which is a lot easier. hehe.
Tonight we're going to have a movie night if I'm correct, which should be fun! I love how just a bit of communication solved so many issues. Thanks whoever thought of that. :)
a little shout out to Lindsey and Steph: I love you both and I'm so thankful for the sacrifices you've made for me :)
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Piles and piles
of dishes. that's what I had to deal with this morning. lol. It took me forevvvvvver! I couldn't even find the stupid fauctet at first because the sink was so full of dishes. But, of course, the kitchen now looks fabulous. ;)
My 2nd interview at the hotel is today! Steph and I are going to take the bus down there, and I'm pretty excited! I spent a good hour or so this morning researching the company, ways to ace an interview, etc. I think I'm pretty well prepared!
Yesterday I walked down 7th St. again, with Corin. We walked a long ways this time, and I got really tired. I did take a few pictures though, to share with you guys. :) They aren't fabulous pics or anything; they're just trying to show some of the homes around here.
It was a great any way, even though I got blisters on the bottom of my feet from my stupid sneakers. I really need some new shoes. lol.
I'll post tonight what I find out about the job!
Tootles.
My 2nd interview at the hotel is today! Steph and I are going to take the bus down there, and I'm pretty excited! I spent a good hour or so this morning researching the company, ways to ace an interview, etc. I think I'm pretty well prepared!
Yesterday I walked down 7th St. again, with Corin. We walked a long ways this time, and I got really tired. I did take a few pictures though, to share with you guys. :) They aren't fabulous pics or anything; they're just trying to show some of the homes around here.
It was a great any way, even though I got blisters on the bottom of my feet from my stupid sneakers. I really need some new shoes. lol.
I'll post tonight what I find out about the job!
Tootles.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
because
good days rarely last. *sigh* I was having a really good day, until I asked Steph if she could not play a movie tonight and she said 'no'. It just snapped that little piece of me that is, sadly, so easily snapped by certain things. That, on top of being so damn cold and missing my real home, just made for a nasty turn to the evening.
So, it's 11:15 at night and I'm sitting out on the patio swing, trying to get warm. *sigh*
Tomorrow Lindsey and I are going to a job fair at the new Four Seasons hotel that is opening a few minutes from here. I am super excited, because hopefully it's a job I might actually be able to get. I think it would be really neat to work at a hotel; when I was a kid, my little sisters and I used to make 'hotels' in the leaves in our backyard and pretend we ran our own hotel. It would be kinda surreal to actually end up working for one! And if I don't get the job... well, I think you guys might find me in a mental institution. ha....
I applied for several other jobs online this morning, although I don't expect to hear from any of them. I also cleaned the whole apartment and made some cookies. It was good to be alone for a while, and have the apartment to myself.
I think that's what I really need: a place of my own. A place where I make the rules. A place where I rarely turn the AC on. A place where I can only watch tv every once in a while; and sleep in complete darkness. hehe. Someday, Han, someday soon.
Steph and I went for a walk this afternoon down Pennsylvania Street to 7th Street. Then we walked a long ways down 7th, and it was so beautiful! 7th st. is apparently where a lot of the rich, residential homes are, and they are amazing grand. The architecture and the gardens... oooh, it was such a treat to see. I'll definitely be frequenting that street more often. :)
My leg is asleep. Not like a usual asleep though, more of a dead, numb asleep. Ewww, it feels really unpleasent.
I didn't work out today, but I did do my hip exercises, and I think all that walking must count for something.
We watched The Backup Plan tonight. Aside from having some extremely awkward moments, it was rather hilarious. I'm not sure I ever want to have a baby now though. ha... Maybe I'll just adopt... that sounds a lot less painful.
I really need Dakota to snuggle up to tonight, but alas, she is 1500 miles away. I could start walking, I suppose, but I'd definitely die of some reason before I got there. *sigh* I'm just glad she is in such a wonderful home with my loving Meag to be her buddy.
Oh Lord, why do you do this to me??
So, it's 11:15 at night and I'm sitting out on the patio swing, trying to get warm. *sigh*
Tomorrow Lindsey and I are going to a job fair at the new Four Seasons hotel that is opening a few minutes from here. I am super excited, because hopefully it's a job I might actually be able to get. I think it would be really neat to work at a hotel; when I was a kid, my little sisters and I used to make 'hotels' in the leaves in our backyard and pretend we ran our own hotel. It would be kinda surreal to actually end up working for one! And if I don't get the job... well, I think you guys might find me in a mental institution. ha....
I applied for several other jobs online this morning, although I don't expect to hear from any of them. I also cleaned the whole apartment and made some cookies. It was good to be alone for a while, and have the apartment to myself.
I think that's what I really need: a place of my own. A place where I make the rules. A place where I rarely turn the AC on. A place where I can only watch tv every once in a while; and sleep in complete darkness. hehe. Someday, Han, someday soon.
Steph and I went for a walk this afternoon down Pennsylvania Street to 7th Street. Then we walked a long ways down 7th, and it was so beautiful! 7th st. is apparently where a lot of the rich, residential homes are, and they are amazing grand. The architecture and the gardens... oooh, it was such a treat to see. I'll definitely be frequenting that street more often. :)
My leg is asleep. Not like a usual asleep though, more of a dead, numb asleep. Ewww, it feels really unpleasent.
I didn't work out today, but I did do my hip exercises, and I think all that walking must count for something.
We watched The Backup Plan tonight. Aside from having some extremely awkward moments, it was rather hilarious. I'm not sure I ever want to have a baby now though. ha... Maybe I'll just adopt... that sounds a lot less painful.
I really need Dakota to snuggle up to tonight, but alas, she is 1500 miles away. I could start walking, I suppose, but I'd definitely die of some reason before I got there. *sigh* I'm just glad she is in such a wonderful home with my loving Meag to be her buddy.
Oh Lord, why do you do this to me??
Monday, August 23, 2010
perfect pepperoni
Today has been an interesting day. I had, last night any way, every intention of going out this morning and exploring the town. However, I did not. I spent the morning in quite a depressed state, and sat at the table playing solitaire until lunch time. How pathetic. But, the day did get a bit better once Steph got home from school and I got to talk to mom on the phone.
I also painted my nails, which they were in dire need of. I think they look quite lovely. A nice metallic blue. :)
Tonight we had pizza. And (I'm going to brag on myself right now...) I cooked it perfectly. It wasn't burned, it wasn't undercooked... it was perfect. MMMMmmmmm, and it was so delicious. Just what I needed to perk my spirits up. That followed by a bag of m&ms and I was totally set to go. haha.
The other day, we went to a wildlife refuge a couple miles from here. I just uploaded the pics onto my laptop and thought I'd share a few of them with you... seeing as I love pictures and all. :) (And seeing as I was too lame to go out and take pics this morning....)
Maybe tomorrow I'll get up the nerve to go out and do some exploring. I was planning on going to apply at a pizza place, but upon further investigation found out that their employees are known for being rude and they play death metal as background music. Ummm, not thanks.
Vitamins taken? Check.
Hip exercises done? Check.
Worked out? Check.
I need to stop watching all these home interior decorating shows... they are making me die for a place of my own. Some day Han, some day...
Goodnight Denver.
I also painted my nails, which they were in dire need of. I think they look quite lovely. A nice metallic blue. :)
Tonight we had pizza. And (I'm going to brag on myself right now...) I cooked it perfectly. It wasn't burned, it wasn't undercooked... it was perfect. MMMMmmmmm, and it was so delicious. Just what I needed to perk my spirits up. That followed by a bag of m&ms and I was totally set to go. haha.
The other day, we went to a wildlife refuge a couple miles from here. I just uploaded the pics onto my laptop and thought I'd share a few of them with you... seeing as I love pictures and all. :) (And seeing as I was too lame to go out and take pics this morning....)
Maybe tomorrow I'll get up the nerve to go out and do some exploring. I was planning on going to apply at a pizza place, but upon further investigation found out that their employees are known for being rude and they play death metal as background music. Ummm, not thanks.
Vitamins taken? Check.
Hip exercises done? Check.
Worked out? Check.
I need to stop watching all these home interior decorating shows... they are making me die for a place of my own. Some day Han, some day...
Goodnight Denver.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
The Great Rift
Wow, I just finished watching an amazing tv special about Africa's Great Rift. The video footage, the scenery, and all the spectacular species of wildlife. So incredible! I've heard of the Great Rift, and seen some things about it, but this was by far one of the coolest things I've ever seen. I think seeing Victoria Falls and Mount Kilimanjaro are now on the top of my list of things to do before I die. It was just really cool to see the extreme variety of creatures that God has created, and how He specially adapted each one to live exactly where He placed it. Like, a chameleon that is specially formed to live in really cold temperatures at extreme elevation. How can people think a big bang did all that!!?? I mean, it goes from plains like the Serengeti to Mount Kenya, which is 3 miles high.... from freshwater lakes miles deep, to 145 degree lakes almost as salty as the dead sea. Amazing!
Anyhoo, I'm really glad I got to witness it, and I think it's awesome that people take the time to film things like that for people who can't go there themselves.
I actually had a pretty good day today. *smile* Worked out again, did my hip exercises, and took my vitamins. hehe. I also got to Skype with Traci, and then spur of the moment got to Skype with Val and Kayleen! That definitely made my day. How thankful I am for technology! I would have loved to be back in the civil war days, or Jane Austen's time, but it sure would have been lonelier!
Stephanie starts school tomorrow, so mornings are about to get quieter and lonelier. ha. She's really nervous, but I know she'll do just fine. She's the kind of person everyone wants to get to know. :) I know I sure love knowing her.
I am tired. Tired of being emotionally tired... which is pretty constant when you live here. haha. I can't emphasis enough just how hard it is to be away from my family. I'm a momma's girl, ok? haha. I've grown up in a big family, and frankly I want to stay with my big family. I just want to be where they are. If I could, I would buy a huge plot of land and move my whole family there so we could all live together, but still have our own spaces. Doesn't that just sound wonderful? :)
I've taken inspiration from Steph's blog, and I'm also going to start uploading more pictures with my blogs. I think it helps one feel like they know what's going on if there are visuals. And well, we all know how much I love taking pictures. :) I think tomorrow I'm going to go out walking and find some interesting and beautiful photo opts. I may just sit down in a public place and watch people.... who knows. I'm completely as my leisure these days... which I'm not sure if I like or not. haha.
That does give me an idea though: to start compiling a photo portfolio. To take all this spare time I have and turn it into something productive. Denver is a big place, I just have to go out and explore! (Now granted, it's not as fun or as easy when you are doing it alone, but seeing as I don't have a choice... looks like I'll be getting used to it!) I'm also going to go to the library and get out a piano book, so I can begin teaching myself to replay on the girls' keyboard. I'm kinda excited about that! I figure, I need to do something with all this time and energy I have... and sitting around thinking about how unhappy I am doesn't exactly count.
I'm not gonna lie, I'd rather be back in Chatsworth. I'd rather be back where everything is familiar, where I can go see a friend whenever I want, where I can drive down roads I know will get me to where I want to go. But, life is supposed to be an adventure, right? And seeing as I've gotten myself into this 'adventure' of my own free will, I feel the need to stick it out a little longer. I think the more things I find to do, that will get me out of this apartment, the better it's going to get.
So here's to the start of my adventure. I know it's a little late, seeing as I've been here a month, but it's taken me a while. I watched a movie the other day about a girl who never finished anything, and I don't want to be like that. I want to be like the girl once she got to the end of the movie: completing things she set out to do, and feeling all the more better for it.
Now, if I can just find a job to fund my adventures, and a good man to share them with.
*wink*
Anyhoo, I'm really glad I got to witness it, and I think it's awesome that people take the time to film things like that for people who can't go there themselves.
I actually had a pretty good day today. *smile* Worked out again, did my hip exercises, and took my vitamins. hehe. I also got to Skype with Traci, and then spur of the moment got to Skype with Val and Kayleen! That definitely made my day. How thankful I am for technology! I would have loved to be back in the civil war days, or Jane Austen's time, but it sure would have been lonelier!
Stephanie starts school tomorrow, so mornings are about to get quieter and lonelier. ha. She's really nervous, but I know she'll do just fine. She's the kind of person everyone wants to get to know. :) I know I sure love knowing her.
I am tired. Tired of being emotionally tired... which is pretty constant when you live here. haha. I can't emphasis enough just how hard it is to be away from my family. I'm a momma's girl, ok? haha. I've grown up in a big family, and frankly I want to stay with my big family. I just want to be where they are. If I could, I would buy a huge plot of land and move my whole family there so we could all live together, but still have our own spaces. Doesn't that just sound wonderful? :)
I've taken inspiration from Steph's blog, and I'm also going to start uploading more pictures with my blogs. I think it helps one feel like they know what's going on if there are visuals. And well, we all know how much I love taking pictures. :) I think tomorrow I'm going to go out walking and find some interesting and beautiful photo opts. I may just sit down in a public place and watch people.... who knows. I'm completely as my leisure these days... which I'm not sure if I like or not. haha.
That does give me an idea though: to start compiling a photo portfolio. To take all this spare time I have and turn it into something productive. Denver is a big place, I just have to go out and explore! (Now granted, it's not as fun or as easy when you are doing it alone, but seeing as I don't have a choice... looks like I'll be getting used to it!) I'm also going to go to the library and get out a piano book, so I can begin teaching myself to replay on the girls' keyboard. I'm kinda excited about that! I figure, I need to do something with all this time and energy I have... and sitting around thinking about how unhappy I am doesn't exactly count.
I'm not gonna lie, I'd rather be back in Chatsworth. I'd rather be back where everything is familiar, where I can go see a friend whenever I want, where I can drive down roads I know will get me to where I want to go. But, life is supposed to be an adventure, right? And seeing as I've gotten myself into this 'adventure' of my own free will, I feel the need to stick it out a little longer. I think the more things I find to do, that will get me out of this apartment, the better it's going to get.
So here's to the start of my adventure. I know it's a little late, seeing as I've been here a month, but it's taken me a while. I watched a movie the other day about a girl who never finished anything, and I don't want to be like that. I want to be like the girl once she got to the end of the movie: completing things she set out to do, and feeling all the more better for it.
Now, if I can just find a job to fund my adventures, and a good man to share them with.
*wink*
Saturday, August 21, 2010
cell phone!
what wonderful things they are! :) I talked on the phone for 4 and a half hours today. I finally got to talk to my brother, which was so great! I've really missed him, and it was so good to hear his laugh. I also got to 'enjoy' dinner with my family over speaker phone, which was so refreshing. Then I got to talk to Traci for a long time, and all we did was laugh, which I so sorely needed!! All in all, I am feeling quite positive today thanks to my loving family and friend.
I worked out for a long while this morning, which felt really good. I rode 5 miles on the stationary bike, which is a really big accomplishment! I also walked a mile on the treadmill, and did some leg and arm strengthing stuff. And (my mother would be so happy) I did my hip exercises for the 2nd day in a row. hehe. Now, if only I had started them a year ago like I should have....
Still haven't found a job, which is discouraging. I've also got a lot of stuff to think about. Pros and cons, my dears, pros and cons. So, if you think about it, I could definitely use some prayer.
I miss my doggie! haha. A whole frickin' lot. I miss her silky, soft coat and that ridiculously long tongue. I can't wait to see her again... although she may not want me back, I hear she's loving her Aunt Meag's house!! Sometimes I just have to smile, because she really is my dream dog. *sigh*
Watched the new episode of Pit Boss tonight! I love that show, even though I used to hate it. haha. Ashley wants to be a stand-up comedian, but she's not very good at it. :-p She's adorable though, I'll still love her anyway.
I've got a headache. :/ I want it to go away. Yes, yes I do. I've got clean sheets though which is going to make getting into bed very soothing! So, I'm off for the night.
Goodnight Denver.
I worked out for a long while this morning, which felt really good. I rode 5 miles on the stationary bike, which is a really big accomplishment! I also walked a mile on the treadmill, and did some leg and arm strengthing stuff. And (my mother would be so happy) I did my hip exercises for the 2nd day in a row. hehe. Now, if only I had started them a year ago like I should have....
Still haven't found a job, which is discouraging. I've also got a lot of stuff to think about. Pros and cons, my dears, pros and cons. So, if you think about it, I could definitely use some prayer.
I miss my doggie! haha. A whole frickin' lot. I miss her silky, soft coat and that ridiculously long tongue. I can't wait to see her again... although she may not want me back, I hear she's loving her Aunt Meag's house!! Sometimes I just have to smile, because she really is my dream dog. *sigh*
Watched the new episode of Pit Boss tonight! I love that show, even though I used to hate it. haha. Ashley wants to be a stand-up comedian, but she's not very good at it. :-p She's adorable though, I'll still love her anyway.
I've got a headache. :/ I want it to go away. Yes, yes I do. I've got clean sheets though which is going to make getting into bed very soothing! So, I'm off for the night.
Goodnight Denver.
Monday, August 16, 2010
weapons
It's a dang good thing I don't have any tonight, because I am feeling extremely lethal.
I don't feel like putting up with anything.
Least of all the terrible headache that is flooding my brain.
I haven't felt this angry in quite some time, and I want to hurt everyone who has ever said a wrong thing to me.
Now, I'm not saying this acceptable behavior... nor will I act upon it.... but I sure would like to.
I was extremely crushed last night when I got the email from the vet's office saying I didn't get the job. I cried, a good bit too.
Oh my gosh, yes, I cried.
I do feel doubly hopeless today and didn't put much effort into anything.
In fact, I only read like 2 chapters in Harry Potter 4 all day, which might be a record for those of you who know how much I read.
This morning I decided to email the lady from the vet and ask her for the reasons on why I wasn't hired. She was very obliging, and sent me an email back with several reasons.
1. I wasn't 'vibrant and outgoing' enough.
2. She said animals can sense fear, and so they wouldn't want someone who was fearful. (*confused look from me*)
3. She said I shouldn't have worn jeans to the working interview.
Now, I hate to be mean, but REALLY???!! Those seem like slightly dumb reasons to me, but whatever.
I am quite used to nothing working out in my life, and this is no exception.
Steph found out that there is a new Four Seasons opening downtown. They are hiring all kinds of positions. So, I guess I'll go down there, turn in my application that has absolutely no reason on it why they should hire me, and wait for them to maybe be considerate enough to at least contact me and say I didn't make the cut. I'm getting pretty good at this....
I don't know what I hate more: Having tons of jobs available, but not enough experience to land any of them... or having no jobs to choose from.
It might be equally sucky.
I am crumbling under the effects of having no where to go and no one to hang out with. I love my sister and I love my Lindsey, but they do get overwhelming. I'm sure I'm very overwhelming to them too... and I do feel a constant burden on whoever is unlucky enough to put up with me.
No wonder I have such a hard time finding and keeping decent friends.
Oh goodness, I'm ranting. I should probably stop, and go to bed or something.
Maybe I'll go grab my Harry Potter book and immerse myself in a world that I would give anything to make real.
I miss my bedroom. I miss my family. I really miss my dog. I miss Meagan. And I miss the days when I was a carefree little girl, playing that I could go to Narnia through a portal in my backyard....
I don't feel like putting up with anything.
Least of all the terrible headache that is flooding my brain.
I haven't felt this angry in quite some time, and I want to hurt everyone who has ever said a wrong thing to me.
Now, I'm not saying this acceptable behavior... nor will I act upon it.... but I sure would like to.
I was extremely crushed last night when I got the email from the vet's office saying I didn't get the job. I cried, a good bit too.
Oh my gosh, yes, I cried.
I do feel doubly hopeless today and didn't put much effort into anything.
In fact, I only read like 2 chapters in Harry Potter 4 all day, which might be a record for those of you who know how much I read.
This morning I decided to email the lady from the vet and ask her for the reasons on why I wasn't hired. She was very obliging, and sent me an email back with several reasons.
1. I wasn't 'vibrant and outgoing' enough.
2. She said animals can sense fear, and so they wouldn't want someone who was fearful. (*confused look from me*)
3. She said I shouldn't have worn jeans to the working interview.
Now, I hate to be mean, but REALLY???!! Those seem like slightly dumb reasons to me, but whatever.
I am quite used to nothing working out in my life, and this is no exception.
Steph found out that there is a new Four Seasons opening downtown. They are hiring all kinds of positions. So, I guess I'll go down there, turn in my application that has absolutely no reason on it why they should hire me, and wait for them to maybe be considerate enough to at least contact me and say I didn't make the cut. I'm getting pretty good at this....
I don't know what I hate more: Having tons of jobs available, but not enough experience to land any of them... or having no jobs to choose from.
It might be equally sucky.
I am crumbling under the effects of having no where to go and no one to hang out with. I love my sister and I love my Lindsey, but they do get overwhelming. I'm sure I'm very overwhelming to them too... and I do feel a constant burden on whoever is unlucky enough to put up with me.
No wonder I have such a hard time finding and keeping decent friends.
Oh goodness, I'm ranting. I should probably stop, and go to bed or something.
Maybe I'll go grab my Harry Potter book and immerse myself in a world that I would give anything to make real.
I miss my bedroom. I miss my family. I really miss my dog. I miss Meagan. And I miss the days when I was a carefree little girl, playing that I could go to Narnia through a portal in my backyard....
Saturday, August 14, 2010
I want a hippogriff.
Seriously. Who's gonna buy me one? haha
I finished rereading Harry Potter 3 this morning, obviously. :)
It's definitely my favorite book, and I could read it over and over.
Steph and I watched the movie this afternoon, but the book totally trumps it.
Got to talk to Laurel today for a while! Very nice, seeing as I haven't talked to her in a week or so. I sure do miss her and Emma!!
Lindsey will be home from work soon, and then we're headed off to a wildlife refuge for the rest of the afternoon. I'm kinda tired, and not too keen on walking a whole lot, but I'm always up for some photography opportunities! Hopefully we'll see lots of wildlife and I'll get lots of cool pics. I haven't had a chance to take any good ones in the past week....
I can't wait to have my own apartment. I have so many decorating ideas. And I'll just revel in all the space I'll have. haha. Buuuuttttttttt, who knows how far off thar might be, so i better tame my dreams a little.
It's very cool today in Coloradoland. Definitely felt like fall this morning! Cool air sends chills of excitement down my spine (and chills 'cause I'm cold!)... fall always brings fun, wonderful memories to my mind. And it makes me want my family!!
OOOOOOOOOOOooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I finished rereading Harry Potter 3 this morning, obviously. :)
It's definitely my favorite book, and I could read it over and over.
Steph and I watched the movie this afternoon, but the book totally trumps it.
Got to talk to Laurel today for a while! Very nice, seeing as I haven't talked to her in a week or so. I sure do miss her and Emma!!
Lindsey will be home from work soon, and then we're headed off to a wildlife refuge for the rest of the afternoon. I'm kinda tired, and not too keen on walking a whole lot, but I'm always up for some photography opportunities! Hopefully we'll see lots of wildlife and I'll get lots of cool pics. I haven't had a chance to take any good ones in the past week....
I can't wait to have my own apartment. I have so many decorating ideas. And I'll just revel in all the space I'll have. haha. Buuuuttttttttt, who knows how far off thar might be, so i better tame my dreams a little.
It's very cool today in Coloradoland. Definitely felt like fall this morning! Cool air sends chills of excitement down my spine (and chills 'cause I'm cold!)... fall always brings fun, wonderful memories to my mind. And it makes me want my family!!
OOOOOOOOOOOooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
dog dental care
of which Bo is in dire need. hehe.
Had a lovely chat with my dear Traci last night... it's amazing how quickly 70 minutes flies by when one is having fun. :) would've kept talking half the night had my mouth not been hurting so much.
speaking of half the night... that's how long I was awake last night. I had a large mocha frappe from McDonald's not long before dinner and it kept me awake until the wee hours of the morning. I went to bed around 10:30, but woke up every half hour or so until 2:30 when I was so wide awake that I got up. I went and got some water, talked to Steph (who never sleeps. hehe) and then went back to bed... where I got to lay, wide awake, until after 4. GRRRRRRR, it was suuuuper annoying. Mind you, I won't be having coffee again soon.
Not much on the agenda today, which means I'll probably walk down to the park at some point. It is a lovely day. Lindsey is at work, and then has a meeting with some lady at 2:30.
Tomorrow, I've got my second interview at the vet's office! I sooooo hope this job will work out, it's exactly what I've been looking for! And the people who work there are so nice; and all girls. Oh how nice it would be to work with all girls. :)
I do think I shall go read some more Harry Potter 3. Or, since Steph just turned it on, watch some tv. hehe.
This whole relaxing thing is nice, but I really, really, really need a job. I'm all relaxed out!
Had a lovely chat with my dear Traci last night... it's amazing how quickly 70 minutes flies by when one is having fun. :) would've kept talking half the night had my mouth not been hurting so much.
speaking of half the night... that's how long I was awake last night. I had a large mocha frappe from McDonald's not long before dinner and it kept me awake until the wee hours of the morning. I went to bed around 10:30, but woke up every half hour or so until 2:30 when I was so wide awake that I got up. I went and got some water, talked to Steph (who never sleeps. hehe) and then went back to bed... where I got to lay, wide awake, until after 4. GRRRRRRR, it was suuuuper annoying. Mind you, I won't be having coffee again soon.
Not much on the agenda today, which means I'll probably walk down to the park at some point. It is a lovely day. Lindsey is at work, and then has a meeting with some lady at 2:30.
Tomorrow, I've got my second interview at the vet's office! I sooooo hope this job will work out, it's exactly what I've been looking for! And the people who work there are so nice; and all girls. Oh how nice it would be to work with all girls. :)
I do think I shall go read some more Harry Potter 3. Or, since Steph just turned it on, watch some tv. hehe.
This whole relaxing thing is nice, but I really, really, really need a job. I'm all relaxed out!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
capers
are a type of flavoring agent. Steph had it on top of the fish she cooked for dinner this evening, and it was really flippin' good. I doubt I've ever enjoyed fish so much.
I've got a definite job interview tomorrow, for a receptionist position at a vet clinic. I'm really excited about that, and hopefully I'll be able to sell myself well enough to get the job. I shall have to suck up my habitually bad mood and find in myself the happy, fun-loving person that I know I should be. Maybe if I fake it long enough, I'll become it for realz. haha.
Living here with two adults in a one bedroom apartment has really made me want my own place. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Steph and Linds... and maybe if the apartment had 3 rooms it would be ok. But it's really tight here, and tensions can sometimes run very high. I just do life very differently then the two of them. But, I need to learn patience, and Lord knows I need a lot of it here.
I really miss having a cat. I met the sweetest cat at Petsmart the other day, and I really wanted to sneak him home in my jacket. Once I get my own place, the first I'm going to do is go adopt a cat. And looking forward to that is keeping me going.
Today was a much better day then the past 3 have been. I'm definitely suffering from something though, and I'd like to get it figured out. But alas, I don't have the funds to go finding out what's wrong with my mind. ha.
I'm tired of relaxing, and frankly bored as hell this evening. However, I have no friends to go hang out with, not enough money to go do something fun, and there's nothing good on tv. TV has been driving me crazy the past couple of days, I hate watching it but have nothing better to do. Geez, is there anything that doesn't get on my nerves? Wordfind on Steph's itouch. hehe. I could play that all day. :D My current high score is 26 seconds.
Welllllllll, I'm tired of typing to no one, even though blogging is oh so fun... so I think I'm going to look on petfinder and see what my cat options are. I have lots to pick from, I'm sure.
I've got a definite job interview tomorrow, for a receptionist position at a vet clinic. I'm really excited about that, and hopefully I'll be able to sell myself well enough to get the job. I shall have to suck up my habitually bad mood and find in myself the happy, fun-loving person that I know I should be. Maybe if I fake it long enough, I'll become it for realz. haha.
Living here with two adults in a one bedroom apartment has really made me want my own place. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Steph and Linds... and maybe if the apartment had 3 rooms it would be ok. But it's really tight here, and tensions can sometimes run very high. I just do life very differently then the two of them. But, I need to learn patience, and Lord knows I need a lot of it here.
I really miss having a cat. I met the sweetest cat at Petsmart the other day, and I really wanted to sneak him home in my jacket. Once I get my own place, the first I'm going to do is go adopt a cat. And looking forward to that is keeping me going.
Today was a much better day then the past 3 have been. I'm definitely suffering from something though, and I'd like to get it figured out. But alas, I don't have the funds to go finding out what's wrong with my mind. ha.
I'm tired of relaxing, and frankly bored as hell this evening. However, I have no friends to go hang out with, not enough money to go do something fun, and there's nothing good on tv. TV has been driving me crazy the past couple of days, I hate watching it but have nothing better to do. Geez, is there anything that doesn't get on my nerves? Wordfind on Steph's itouch. hehe. I could play that all day. :D My current high score is 26 seconds.
Welllllllll, I'm tired of typing to no one, even though blogging is oh so fun... so I think I'm going to look on petfinder and see what my cat options are. I have lots to pick from, I'm sure.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
probably...
my roughest day since my arrival here.
I have a depression commercial going through my head....
"Depression hurts, but cymbalta can help."
or whatever the stupid medicine is called.
I feel like singing at the top of my lungs.
or screaming. screaming would work just as well.
I want to go out into the middle of a field and yell at everyone. I wish someone could understand how I'm feeling right now. But, that is impossible, so I shall simply stuff. Like I have so expertly learned to do. Feelings weren't meant to be shared anyway, they just create drama.
On the upside (wow, there actually is one??), I had a lovely time sleeping on the patio swing this afternoon. A little Imogen Heap playing through the head phones and I was perfectly content for about 30 minutes.
What am I turning into? A emotionless blob, who just goes through the motions because she has to? Maybe Steph is right... maybe I do need some help. I just can't imagine going to a doctore and saying 'I'm suffering from depression." That seems so childish to me. Like, I should be perfectly capable of handling that myself, I always have in the past.
But then again, my past hasn't been anything I like remembering. It's been a lot of bad days, and hurts. So I guess I'm just lame for thinking I can handle things on my own; because apparently I can't.
We're going on a picnic tomorrow. *crosses fingers* Oh how I so love being outside in th fresh air. It makes me feel free and refreshed... and lord knows that's what I need right now.
For anyone who might read this and think 'bahaha, she's just as miserable as she was here (meaning chatsworth), the big loser', you are wrong. I am not just as miserable. Yes, I am not doing so great, and life is in a particularly low point right now, but I am a determined individual and I will show you. I will pull my life out of the dumps and make something of it. Even if I myself have to do it all alone with my two bare hands.
'night all.
I have a depression commercial going through my head....
"Depression hurts, but cymbalta can help."
or whatever the stupid medicine is called.
I feel like singing at the top of my lungs.
or screaming. screaming would work just as well.
I want to go out into the middle of a field and yell at everyone. I wish someone could understand how I'm feeling right now. But, that is impossible, so I shall simply stuff. Like I have so expertly learned to do. Feelings weren't meant to be shared anyway, they just create drama.
On the upside (wow, there actually is one??), I had a lovely time sleeping on the patio swing this afternoon. A little Imogen Heap playing through the head phones and I was perfectly content for about 30 minutes.
What am I turning into? A emotionless blob, who just goes through the motions because she has to? Maybe Steph is right... maybe I do need some help. I just can't imagine going to a doctore and saying 'I'm suffering from depression." That seems so childish to me. Like, I should be perfectly capable of handling that myself, I always have in the past.
But then again, my past hasn't been anything I like remembering. It's been a lot of bad days, and hurts. So I guess I'm just lame for thinking I can handle things on my own; because apparently I can't.
We're going on a picnic tomorrow. *crosses fingers* Oh how I so love being outside in th fresh air. It makes me feel free and refreshed... and lord knows that's what I need right now.
For anyone who might read this and think 'bahaha, she's just as miserable as she was here (meaning chatsworth), the big loser', you are wrong. I am not just as miserable. Yes, I am not doing so great, and life is in a particularly low point right now, but I am a determined individual and I will show you. I will pull my life out of the dumps and make something of it. Even if I myself have to do it all alone with my two bare hands.
'night all.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
chili
Chili for dinner tonight. Makes my tummy say 'yummm'. But, sadly my tummy hasn't been saying nice things to me all day. Maybe it will be happier once it has some of this good food.
Thoroughly enjoyed driving to Colorado Springs this morning with Steph. It was wonderful to see her so joyous at the first sight of the newest addition to this household. His name is Bo, and can I just say that he is tiny. Corin seems to like him though; and miraculously, so does Lindsey. I think it's safe to say that that must be a sign.
I, for one, am having a spot of depression this evening. Recent events have made me miss my dog more then anything in the whole world. I'd give almost anything to see her, even if it meant being knocked to the ground and covered with dog slobber. I also really need a friend. Someone to hang out with, someone who I could just chill and have fun with. No pressure, so strings attached, just a good time. But alas, I am in a city with not one soul who knows me.
I have so many desires in my little heart. Sometimes I wonder how many feelings, desires, joys, and hurts can fit into the thing. Tonight it feels as if it's going to burst. It hurts.
Colorado, I love you dearly. Please be kind to me and help me find a friend within your many streets. And a job. But mostly a friend.
Thoroughly enjoyed driving to Colorado Springs this morning with Steph. It was wonderful to see her so joyous at the first sight of the newest addition to this household. His name is Bo, and can I just say that he is tiny. Corin seems to like him though; and miraculously, so does Lindsey. I think it's safe to say that that must be a sign.
I, for one, am having a spot of depression this evening. Recent events have made me miss my dog more then anything in the whole world. I'd give almost anything to see her, even if it meant being knocked to the ground and covered with dog slobber. I also really need a friend. Someone to hang out with, someone who I could just chill and have fun with. No pressure, so strings attached, just a good time. But alas, I am in a city with not one soul who knows me.
I have so many desires in my little heart. Sometimes I wonder how many feelings, desires, joys, and hurts can fit into the thing. Tonight it feels as if it's going to burst. It hurts.
Colorado, I love you dearly. Please be kind to me and help me find a friend within your many streets. And a job. But mostly a friend.
Friday, August 6, 2010
left onto Dayton St.
so I totally just wrote a huge long entry, detailing everything I did today. But I hated it. So, quite obviously, I deleted it.
I am going to Bel-Rea, and classes start September 27. Super excited. Like, you've no idea.
Got my dolphin on in the pool tonight. hehe. loved that Steph jumped right in!
Tired as all get out, and wishing my stomach wasn't hurting so bad.
Content.
I am going to Bel-Rea, and classes start September 27. Super excited. Like, you've no idea.
Got my dolphin on in the pool tonight. hehe. loved that Steph jumped right in!
Tired as all get out, and wishing my stomach wasn't hurting so bad.
Content.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Turn right at Orion
A book I'm reading right now. I'm only into the 2nd chapter, and it's unlike any book I've ever read, but I do think I shall enjoy it.
A friend suggested to me that I start a blog. A chronicle, if you will, of my daily life. I thought 'Hey, that's a pretty decent idea', since my life has changed so drastically in the past month or so. I will attempt to convey my many thoughts, my greatest desires... and who knows, maybe a glimpse into the deep chasm of my heart.
Life in Denver is very unlike any life I've lived up until this time. I can wake up in the morning, go outside onto the patio and see a city stretching before me. The sound of the cars rushing by, horns honking and music playing, is like music to my ears. I love the ability to walk just about anywhere. "Why yes, I do believe I will walk a few blocks down to the 7 story library."
It is, however, not all glam and glitz. I have a hard time sleeping at night. This apartment is always so friggin' cold. And one of my darling roommates is very often angry at our two sweet dogs. haha. But, when has life ever been all great? Never in my case. I'm learning to be ok with being cold. I'm learning how to keep quiet when I'd like to spout off, and how to avoid conflict where I used to look for it intentionally. Trials, in my opinion, are always there to make one stronger... and I for one and quite thankful for them. Doesn't mean I smile when I'm upset, or thank God for a bad day, but it does seem to make the load lighter.
It is very hard being parted from my two younger sisters though. They have expressed that they are having a very hard time getting along since I've left. Which, to no surprise, greatly saddens me. I suppose this is a just a trial put in their lives to help them learn as well. I just hope they figure that out before it's too late.
Well, it seems to be about time for me to wrap this post up. Not like a Christmas present, which you can only unwrap once... but more like a scroll, which just begs to be reopened. I do believe I shall bless my tummy with a little lunch and then head out into this beautiful city with my darling Stephanie.
I hope this blog finds you well, whoever you are, and don't forget that trials always end at some point.
A friend suggested to me that I start a blog. A chronicle, if you will, of my daily life. I thought 'Hey, that's a pretty decent idea', since my life has changed so drastically in the past month or so. I will attempt to convey my many thoughts, my greatest desires... and who knows, maybe a glimpse into the deep chasm of my heart.
Life in Denver is very unlike any life I've lived up until this time. I can wake up in the morning, go outside onto the patio and see a city stretching before me. The sound of the cars rushing by, horns honking and music playing, is like music to my ears. I love the ability to walk just about anywhere. "Why yes, I do believe I will walk a few blocks down to the 7 story library."
It is, however, not all glam and glitz. I have a hard time sleeping at night. This apartment is always so friggin' cold. And one of my darling roommates is very often angry at our two sweet dogs. haha. But, when has life ever been all great? Never in my case. I'm learning to be ok with being cold. I'm learning how to keep quiet when I'd like to spout off, and how to avoid conflict where I used to look for it intentionally. Trials, in my opinion, are always there to make one stronger... and I for one and quite thankful for them. Doesn't mean I smile when I'm upset, or thank God for a bad day, but it does seem to make the load lighter.
It is very hard being parted from my two younger sisters though. They have expressed that they are having a very hard time getting along since I've left. Which, to no surprise, greatly saddens me. I suppose this is a just a trial put in their lives to help them learn as well. I just hope they figure that out before it's too late.
Well, it seems to be about time for me to wrap this post up. Not like a Christmas present, which you can only unwrap once... but more like a scroll, which just begs to be reopened. I do believe I shall bless my tummy with a little lunch and then head out into this beautiful city with my darling Stephanie.
I hope this blog finds you well, whoever you are, and don't forget that trials always end at some point.
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